What can I say….

My week, well what can I say about my week.
It’s been busy.
That seems to be the norm at the moment, I’m so needing me time, so me being me, I packed bags, jumped in Rich’s van, puppy in the back, Marly-Kate safely in her car seat next to me and we hit the road.
The moors ahead of us, the autumn sun shining, freedom awaited.
We stopped as soon as we hit the moors and did our norm, of shouting our worries away, them traveling in the breeze, giving us freedom of mind as well as spirit.
That really has to be one of my favourite things about our road trips, add in that good old English fry up, bubbling brook, roaring fire and warming our cold hands on the Rayburn. You could almost call it, “Coming home.” (How I long to feel that feeling)
Marley-Kate is definitely at her happiest and of course having a few days school free, gives her a new lease of life.
She’s been poorly for a few weeks now, and as the cold weather creeps in, so do the chest infections, and nights of stress as her breathing becomes more difficult.
Somehow the moors seem to have healing powers and finds energy she has no where else.
She is at home here, free and even more beautiful than normal, even if she is knee-deep in mud, straw and cow dung. She loves every moment of it.
As for me……
Exhaustion has set in this week, making every task so much harder, my lists of jobs, seem to grow as I try desperately to tick off daily jobs, stay on top of work, and just find time to do all the things that life demands.
A few days out, is definitely what’s needed, hook and yarn at the ready, I’m determined to find my own freedom, while I do the things that bring me peace and a sense of worth.
Life seems to have a way of getting stuck in a rut, days just blend into one another as the daily household tasks never seem to end.
I swear my cousin has lost his function to tidy up after himself, and sees me as his little slave. I don’t mind really, that boy works so hard. He does worry me though, he hasn’t totally bounced back since his accident and is really withdrawn from the world. Maybe it’s just him becoming an adult and working out that life has many battles, and who stays along for the ride, is very different to what your once young mind imagined it would be.
Growing up sucks, it really does, but the lessons learnt while finding adulthood are some of the hardest to learn. He will get there, and make us all proud as he already does.
So all in all, life is just ticking along, no dramas, which is always a blessing and lots to look forward to, great friends and lots to occupy my mind which always manages to keep me thinking to deeply, reminding me of the pain that I have pushed deep within, somehow it doesn’t want to stay there, it always manages to creep through the smile I try so hard to wear, it creeps in, within seconds of waking and holds its own as I try my up most to wear that smile, that everyone expects me to wear.
The problem is, no matter how good life can be, that emptiness, those feelings, the devastation, the love I feel, the longing, the heartbreak and the grief doesn’t ease not even for a second, I’ve just got kind of good at hiding it.
But let’s not go there!
Let’s enjoy the freedom that Friday brings.

Have an awesome one, enjoy the sunshine, sing loud and badly, and dance as if no one is watching.



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