Just one of those…..

Do you ever feel like you are being pulled in many different directions?
That everyone and everything wants a piece of you?
I’m totally there right now and feel as if the world is crashing in on me.
I love to be busy, mainly to keep my mind and heart away from the torment it likes to play. If I’m busy, I have no time to think, no time to let the pain take over. My busyness is my protective armour but boy right now I feel as if I’m being pulled into three or four pieces. I’m grateful in a way but 5 minutes time out would be pretty damn welcome.

So my week, what can I say about my week?
I’m been a hard one.
Firstly, my baby girl is being bullied at school because of her heart problems. She cries her little heart out every morning and bursts into tears the minute she sees me at the end of the school day.
These bullies tongues are pure evil and if they are like this now, I dread to think once they hit mainstream school, what on earth they will be like.
I know they say a bully, is a bully, because they have their own problems and they take that out on the easiest victim, my heart goes out to them but when it comes to them hurting my daughter, I will not let them get away with it.
I wrote the harshest email I’ll ever written yesterday, telling the school that I will be moving Marly-Kate from the unsettling nasty environment until I have proof that it is safe for her to return.
Trust me, they didn’t like that one bit.

On top of that, I’ve notice that when I wake, my jaw is nearly locked and that my mouth, teeth and Jaw ache. My teeth through my medication have grown weak and while I brushed my teeth yesterday one just fall out. I was horrified and phone the dentist who managed to fit me in.
She was super lovely as I went into a nervous talkative state and rambled on about any crap that came to mind.
I’m not at all scared of the dentist or treatment, what scares me is that as soon as they touch my teeth I get an abscess and that alone terrifies me.
I was told that my teeth have grown weak due to my meds and bad health and that she will not be able touch or work on my teeth because I do not bleed easily. You need to bleed in order to heal and stop infections, so it’s now a trip to the hospital, to be knocked out and any work that needs doing to help support and strengthen them will be carried out.
I’m kind of relieved if I’m honest, but also saddened by that fact that my meds are taking the goodness away from them.
I’ve alway gone 6 monthly to see the dentist and the hygienist, I’ve always been proud of my teeth so this is a kick in the gut for sure.
It’s just a waiting game now to get seen, I hope I can stay on top of the awful pain that toothache brings.
When ever I have a little niggle of discomfort, my mind always flashbacks to when Ross and I first started our friendship/relationship. Bless him, he had the worst abscess and I remember the awful pain he was in, even back then at the very beginning all I wanted to do was take his pain away, to hold him, comfort him, still to this day I want to do that.
It’s funny how you remember those moments, the moments that are part of life and not at all exciting but they stay with you for a life time. It’s funny that even back then I was so in love him without even knowing it.

This week hasn’t all be bad, I’ve managed to get a little research done, a little work and a massive house clean.
I find that when I feel myself falling, I begin to clean, cupboards are emptied, skip bags are filled and every surface to scrubbed.
If I can’t clear my heart and mind of the emotions I feel, I empty the walls that surrounded me. At least the house feels lighter and refreshed even if my mind doesn’t.
Here’s hoping that the weekend will offer time out, rest and relaxation.
Here’s hoping.
🌹🌹🌹

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