Strangely comforting

There is something strangely comforting about the way I have to sleep.
Laying kinda on my side, one arm about my head under the pillow where I hold a sleeve of a onesie I was once brought as a present.🎁
The other arm is wrapped tightly around a cushion I was once made, my blanket, duvet and necklace griped tightly in my hand drawn up close to my face.
I’ve tried and tried so many time to drift off to sleep in many different ways, sleep never comes.
Though I don’t wish to sleep this way, it’s also strangely comforting.

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Those moments

Don’t ever feel or call yourself ugly because you don’t really see yourself for who or what you really are.
You don’t watch yourself sleeping, curled up and silent with your chest is rising and falling to your own rhythm.
You don’t see yourself reading a book, eyes fluttering and glowing, lost in the adventure that’s captivating your mind.
You don’t see yourself looking at someone with love inside your heart, that love twinkling in your eyes and passion oozing from your soul.
You can’t see yourself when you’re laughing and smiling, when happiness is leaking out of you.
You would know exactly how beautiful you are if you saw yourself in those moments, the moments when you are the most beautiful, the most you. ♥

It wasn’t jealous, it’s something totally different

It wasn’t jealous, it’s something totally different. It was a pull on the heart-strings watching mother and son connect so beautifully, a connection I had only dreamt of.
A bond so special you could feel it by just being in the room with them.
I hadn’t felt that feeling before and while it made my heart ache just a little knowing I had never had that, it warmed my soul to see such a special relationship, I felt pride and overpowering love for the man who stood before me and his loving union he shared with his Mum.
When she opened her heart to me, not only as a friend but as kind of  a daughter, it was overwhelmingly special, a connection I didn’t know I was missing.
That wonderful time in my life, I felt more at home than I ever had before, I felt complete, alive, in love, at home.
A feeling I’m sure only comes to a few in a lifetime.
How lucky I was to have felt that if only for a while.

?

How does the world keep spinning when life as you know it comes crashing down and you don’t know if life will recover and ever be the same again?
When the wonderful lady who gave you life, own life hangs in the balance and you don’t know how much longer you will be able to call her Mum?
How do you stay strong, be the rock that stops her from crumbling when her fear swallows the air, you’re trying desperately to fill your lungs with?
How do you hide your own fears, hold back your tears, hold back the screams your heart and soul desperately needs to release?
How do you do the job of your mother when you need her to hold you, to reassure you?
How do even begin to imagine life without her?