Once in a while

If your lucky enough to have a person or persons in your life that spend their time making sure your okay, the ones that would do, and do anything for you. Not because they expect something back but because they care and love you and want the best for you. You should think yourself extremely blessed to have such people in your life.

But once in a while go out of your way to show those people just how much it’s appreciated, as sometimes just the simplest thing can mean the world to a giver. Never take good people for granted.

Dear Marley-Kate

Dear Marly-Kate,

When you raced into this world, I looked into your eyes and you brought a love into my heart that I had never before experienced.
When you spoke your first word, when you walked your first steps, I was your biggest supporter and fan.
With every developmental milestone you reached, I revelled in joy and celebration. You taught me the meaning of love — true, unconditional love.
Now you are growing, what an amazing person you’ve become! You have your own personality, your own thoughts and opinions, and your own sense of humour. You have your own interests, your own talents, and your own way of doing things.
I celebrate your individuality and uniqueness and am so honoured to be part of your life.

May you always know your worth and how incredibly precious you are!

As your mum, it is my privilege to impart some important truths to you.

Be true to yourself always. There is no one else like you, so allow your uniqueness to shine through. You never need to change who you are for someone else. You are magnificent exactly as you are.

Live your own dreams. Figure out what makes you happy and pursue it. Follow a path of your own choosing – not mine, or anyone else’s.
Your fulfilment is what I want, and it will come from following your dreams and living a life that has meaning and purpose for you.

Don’t take life so seriously. Have fun. Laugh at yourself when you make mistakes. Don’t worry about things you cannot control. You get only one life, so enjoy it to the fullest.

Love and accept yourself unconditionally. You will always have yourself even when friends come and go, so make it your best relationship. The way you treat yourself will show others how to treat you, so treat yourself like you would your own best friend. Be kind, respectful, and loving to yourself no matter what.

Don’t be afraid to take risks. Take big, bold risks! You can accomplish great things by taking risks. Living life too cautiously and keeping the status quo will leave you with regrets. Get outside of your comfort zone and watch as that comfort zone expands. The more risks you take, the easier it becomes.

Find your soulmate.
You will meet someone with whom you fall head over heels in love and want to spend the rest of your life. As long as you are loved, respected, and treated well, I will always be happy with your choice.

And, last but certainly not least,

Know that I love you and will always be there for you. No matter what, I’ve got your back. You are my beautiful daughter and always will be. I adore you, and there is nothing you could possibly do to change that. There may be times when we don’t always see eye to eye, but I still love you and always will.

Love you to the moon and back

Mummy x


How does the world keep spinning when life as you know it comes crashing down and you don’t know if life will recover and ever be the same again?
When the wonderful lady who gave you life, own life hangs in the balance and you don’t know how much longer you will be able to call her Mum?
How do you stay strong, be the rock that stops her from crumbling when her fear swallows the air, you’re trying desperately to fill your lungs with?
How do you hide your own fears, hold back your tears, hold back the screams your heart and soul desperately needs to release?
How do you do the job of your mother when you need her to hold you, to reassure you?
How do even begin to imagine life without her?

Where has the time gone

Where has the time gone, can’t believe we are in February already and I haven’t really written a blog post yet.
January was extremely busy and a tad stressful for me.

Marly-Kate started her new school after months of trying to find her the perfect placement. She loves it, she can’t wait to go in the mornings. She comes straight home, does her home work, writes her blog if she has something exciting or important to write, she than will google places, occupations etc that I’ve come across in my research. She’s learning more everyday and loving it, which is all I wanted for her.
Her happiness is the most important thing in my life. She’s truly glowing and that is the most delightful sight for any mother to see.
We had to take a trip to Paris for legal reasons, I was very unsure if I should take her with me as Paris holds a lot of extremely painful memories, I didn’t want her picking up on those but she wanted to see where she was born, so we packed a weekend bag and off we went.
The joy on her face when she saw uncle Christian waiting for us will forever be embedded in my memories. That moment alone was worth taking the trip for.
While I spent days surrounded by darkness, sorrow, anger, she had a blast playing with her cousin, getting to spend much-needed time with my brother Al, who absolutely adores her and spoils her rotten.
We laid flowers on my sisters grave, visited the house I once owned. It was a crazy busy few days.
Even though I couldn’t wait to return to English soil, goodbyes were hard, at least now we won’t have to return to a place where I only feel pain and sorrow. Good ridden to bad rubbish I say.
Life really has been pretty groovy, well until we receive the most devastating news last Friday. I’ll leave that for another post when I’ve wrapped my head around it a little more.
I’ll see you back here soon, stay safe, stay happy, stay true.

I am no different

Every new year brings new hope, dreams of an awesome year, the best year yet.
The 31st December 2017 was no exception. We saw it out with a bang, one of the best New Years Eves to date. Hair was let loose, worries far, far at the back of our minds, as we danced, laughed, drank and drank some more.
2018 arrived, full of high hopes, determination and the willpower to make it the best it can be.
Well what can I say about the year so far?
It’s sucks rotten eggs. Totally and utterly sucks.
Every day has been a bigger challenge than the day before, with everyday that passes, it seem harder to stay on top.
January 2018 is one big let down.
But I guess that things can’t get much worse than they are already.
So once again, hope teases.

I started the year, very differently to last, I set no goals, decided to go with the flow and not set myself up for a fall and disappointment. I would start the new year care free, with no pressure. I was ready to let my soul dance, sour freely and take every moment with a pinch of salt and not let life’s troubles crush me but mostly I wasn’t going to let other people, other people’s problems drag me under.
Little did I know fate would crash and burn at my feet pulling me into a world I no longer want to be part of. The world that was suffocating my spirit, my soul. It wasn’t even my own problems that were sucking the life out of me, it was the crap everyone wanted or even needed to dump on my shoulders, one downfall to listening when people talk, when they need that shoulder to cry on.
My life is pretty free for worries, I have a roof over our heads, food on the table, money in the bank and clothes on our backs, my only grumble would be my health but I’ve always been determined to not let it beat me.
It’s other people’s actions that have run rings around our emotions, pulled at family bonds and rocked the boat to breaking point. It’s the actions of people whom I held dear to my heart who have grabbed 2018, twisted, turned, burnt, destroyed the beginning of a positive year.
I’ve learnt a lesson, a lesson I wish I didn’t have to, I’ve learnt that no matter how hard you try at life, there will always be bugs at your feet nipping away at you. Kicking them off really isn’t as easy as one would think and not always an option but I hope they heed my warnings, bugs can be fought back at, if needs be.
Every mother, sister, brother, will fight to the death to protect their own.
I am no different!