Goals, goals, goals

We are more than half way through the year, time has no mercy and the year is fading fast.
I thought it was a good time to revisit my crafting goals, not really the best idea as even though I have accomplished quite a lot, I’m nowhere near completing my always growing list of goals. It may just be the fact that I keep getting side tracked and adding to it.

Maybe lists are not the best thing when it comes to creating, isn’t it all about the freedom of art, doing what takes your fancy, doing what makes your creative energy flow.
Well I’m pretty good at giving in to a pattern that jumps off the page, calling my name, over and over until my willpower crumbles as I rush to find the perfect yarn, the right size hook and a little time to make the instructions come alive in front of my eyes. šŸ‘€

You maybe able to see that I’ve been rather good at letting those intriguing patterns win.
In turn my goal list has doubled in size and I’m nowhere near completing my goals, I’m giving it a good shot though. šŸ˜

Will I get all ticked off?

What do think, will I crack it or will I fail miserably?

šŸŒ¹šŸŒ¹šŸŒ¹

My crafting goals for 2017.

Faith’s blanket – Aster. šŸ‘šŸ»

Cassie – black and white Aster šŸ‘šŸ»

Mint coffee Mandala cushion for my room šŸ‘šŸ»

Sam’s blanket – Carousel Blanket. (Wip)

Marly-Kate’s blanket – Nuts about squares (wip) šŸ‘šŸ»

Two Aster blankets which are orders.

Cable blanket (wip)

Finish mum’s two blankets – granny squares šŸ‘šŸ» and mandala madness.

Sophie loves Lillia Bjorn winter blanket – Scheepjes garnet, moon stone, Corundum Rudy, Crystal Quartz, Enstatite, Tourmaline and smokey quartz. (Wip)

Sophie Universe with a twist – Scheepjes crystal quartz.

Sunny Mandala cushion – mixed colours šŸ‘šŸ»

Stardust Melodies cal Afghan – scheepjes softfun in Ecru – for Rich. šŸ‘šŸ»

A day at the grand bazaar (black and white). šŸ‘šŸ»

Atlanticus- greens and blues . šŸ‘šŸ»

Labyinth Mandala Pillow – Scheepjes stonewashed in Black Onyx and Crystal Quartz.

4 cushions – Spanish Mandala (one side), Mint coffee Mandala extended (other side) – (wip)

Mandala number 5 wall hanging. For hoggers šŸ‘šŸ»

Celtic cushions – for Rich šŸ‘šŸ»

Pinch and a punch

Pinch, punch, first day of the month, no return.
I can’t believe we are in September already, this year is definitely on fast forward. We will soon be thinking about the dreaded word Christmas. šŸŽ„
It’s been feeling very autumnal the last few days, I even lit my first fire yesterday and put the heating on. What’s that all about, we haven’t really had a summer and it’s rained nearly the whole summer holidays.
Talking of holidays, Marly-Kate is on a little jolly in Spain with her grandad and boy I hate, hate, hate not having her with me. She’s having a blast though so it’s all good really.
I have discovered how much work I can get done when I’m all on my lonesome. I’m up to date with work, I’ve even made a few projects that I can give to the boss that hopefully he will like and maybe he will be nice and give me a juicy bonus, lol, who am I kidding. šŸ˜‚
It really is surprising how much I’ve managed to get done this week, even at hospital visits. I’ve even managed to make my sister’s birthday pressie and blitz the house. We got out with the cameras for Milky Way shoots but you know what I’ve hated every second, I would rather be occupying Marly-Kate. I can’t wait until she is home, snoring away in her bed.
All in all, life is pretty good, I’m happy and content with life. A lotto win would be nice tho.šŸ’°
I’ve been looking over my goal lists that I set myself at the beginning of the year and on the craft side, I’m doing pretty well, the home goals on the other hand, have flown out the window, I think I will blame Brett and Rich for that, lol, they like chatting, beer and bbq šŸ— more than they like working. To be totally honest I don’t mind in the slightest, they make life fun.
Over the last few years, just living has been a struggle so any small task, goal that I have mastered is a great achievement and I’m happy with where I am now and even through the pain, the darkest of days and horror filled nights, I’m still standing and fighting, that is an achievement all on its own.
I’m filling my days with the people I love, doing the things I enjoy, I’m even researching again, and that gives me a sense of purpose. I have to admit I kind of like that feeling.
I can’t say I’m as happy as I once was, but I can definitely say I’m learning to live again. I’m testing myself constantly and enjoying the challenge. I’m doing ok.šŸ‘ŒšŸ»

So it’s Friday and that means it’s time for a trip down memory lane, today though I can’t look back, I can’t let myself remember so I’m sorry guys, I’ll get back to it next week and hopefully I will find time this week to put some much-needed time into this blog, I have so many ideas, so much I want to blog about but times hasn’t allowed of late, and that gets to me. I love this space, the freedom of a blank page, where I can pour out my heart and my emotions.
Anyway I best get moving and get my day moving.
Have an awesome one, stay safe, stay happy, stay true.

šŸŒ¹šŸŒ¹šŸŒ¹

A splash of colour to this increasingly grey world.

When it comes to creating afghan’s I tend to stick to what I’m use to and use colours from my safety zone, I think everyone is good at staying safely inside the lines of comfort.
Last week I came across an Afghan pattern that I’ve wanted to make for a while now but just haven’t got around to ordering the yarn pack and making it. The colour palette was based on a black background which makes the other colours pop making a striking blanket.
Working with black has to be one of my favourites but boy its a pain in the ass especially if you are crafting in low light, lately I have been trying to stay away from it for that reason alone.
I decide to bite the bullet and buy this gorgeous yarn pack until I noticed a new colour combo had been brought out.
It’s totally different from what I’m use to, the colours are far from my comfort zone but it somehow just called to me, with one click its was in my basket, a few clicks later, it was brought and paid for, not yet received or even dispatched but soon I will have happy mail at my door and a challenge at my fingertips.
I’m really excited if I’m honest but a little nervous about learning if my mindset of habit will take over the unusual will to use lots of colour. Time will tell.
Yesterday I decided to test myself and I picked 6 colours, some that I haven’t used before, mainly pastels from my stash of favourite yarn and started a new project, I know, I know I shouldn’t have, I have so many works in progress which I have promised myself that I would solely work on in August, not the best start hey, lol šŸ˜‚
It’s funny how colour can change the simplest of patterns, making it stand tall against the norm.
I’m not sure how long this mindset or adventure with colour will last, if I’ll be happy with the outcome or if I will ever finish the projects but for now I’m pretty happy that I’m opening up my mind to the possibilities of colour. And maybe just maybe, colour may flood my life in other ways.

Crojo

So the last few weeks have been about family, chilling out and just staying as stress free as possible.
I have stepped away from my goals, finally got my crojo back and started a secret project. I know I shouldn’t be taking on any more projects but if it works out which I’m not sure it will, in ways I will have ticked off one thing from my goals list, just in a different way.

I picked up my favourite yarn, opened one of my favourite patterns by my all time favourite designer and have spent time creating a piece that I think maybe it hasn’t been done before.
Even though it’s really not looking very special at the moment and I’m in two minds about if it will work, every second of hooking away, has been a pleasure.
Finally yesterday it started to take shape and it could just work.šŸ¤”
I’ve only got about 10 rounds to go on this pattern and then I will need to wing it to get to a certain stitch count and if all goes well and I achieve what I’m hoping for, I’ll then incorporate it into one of the most famous patterns to date.
It’s going to be huge, thick, heavy and so very warm and I can’t wait to snuggle up under it, put on Outlander and just take some me time, which really doesn’t happen enough.

For those of you that have watched Outlander, it’s pretty damn good, horrific in parts but well worth a watch and as my bud Brett informs me constantly, it’s full of boobs and sex.
I’ve watched the box set twice already and still feel as I could watch it over and over again. With season three out in September it’s a good time to catch up. Be warned though, there is a very nasty rape scene in it.

Anyway I’m pretty pleased that I’ve managed to have some crafting time and that I’m letting my creativity flow. Even though I create everyday with work, it’s just become the norm and as I am not as involved as much as I was with the overall finished project it’s somehow not the same. So when I’m making a blanket I’m creating my own little masterpiece, my own spin on a beautiful designed, written, tested masterpiece that’s taken months of work to give to us the canvas to create our own.
Hopefully soon I may just have something worth sharing with you, watch this space.
Have an awesome day guys, enjoy the sunshine and let your creativity flow.
See ya šŸŒ¹

Failing

Hhmmmmm
Are goals a good thing?
I’ve set myself a lot of goals this year, in crafts and home improvements.
But right now I don’t seem to be able to get motivated to tick any of them off.
I’m not even sure if it lack of motivation. I just don’t seem to have the time and energy to sit and make anything, which bugs the hell out of me.
I have this long list, nagging away at me, the more it nags, the less I feel inspired to pick up my hook.
When and if I do, my mind turns to the diy jobs that are staring at me, or the sun shines and I day-dream of chilling in the garden with my iPod and hook, sitting snug on my new garden sofa that still sits in boxes. šŸ“¦
Have I by setting goals, caused myself stress overload?
It’s not that I’m that stressed that things just aren’t happening as fast as I would like, it’s more that fact that I feel like I’m failing myself.
I truthfully feel a failure and it’s down to my own doing.
I lay in bed while I wait for sleep to come, I toss and turn as I wind myself up, that I’m useless for not achieving what I would like, for not achieving the goals that I set myself.
If I ditch the lists, I’ve certainly failed myself, if I remove certain goals, I also have failed in some way.
The strange thing is, by fault of my own, I’ve added more and more to my crafty goal list, I’ve started a huge blanket that I just couldn’t resist. It’s a smashing blanket/afghan, or will be.
Pattern parts are realised weekly and even though week 3 will be out tomorrow, I’m still making part 2. I’m kicking myself for already falling behind, I’m already failing myself and that isn’t a nice feeling.
I know it’s not all down to day dreaming or lack of interest, it’s due to a crazy busy few weeks and no time for me time. I know that I’m not all to blame but I still have this nasty sense of failure hanging over me.
Making me question everything I do.
I feel useless, worthless and angry at myself. I don’t want to fail, I want and need to do the best I can, I need to make these bricks and mortar into a home. I need to surround my little girl in warmth and comfort, maybe even give myself a little. She loves the blankets I make her, she try’s to claim every one I make, she comes home from school and asks straight away what I have made that day. It’s important to her and that makes it even more important to me.
Am I failing her when I can’t show her, because I haven’t either had the time or energy to craft?
I feel like I am and that feeling is soul-destroying.

Screw you

img_4300Some days are meant for sofas, blankets and sick bowls.
Of late it’s been happening way to often and with it comes too much head space.
And I can’t let the good old head f*** pull me down, I can’t allow myself to be controlled by my emotions because I’m not going to allow myself to be that person anymore and even though I’m still a believer in heart over head, it hurts to deeply and I don’t want to be the shell of a person I have been for far to long.
I’ve grown so much as a person and I’m no longer taking tiny steps to better myself or my life. I’ve been taking the balls by the horns and I am finally trying my hardest to pull my self out of the depression I’ve lived in for far to long.
I won’t let love or heartbreak define me because even though I can’t break free of what my heart and soul reminds me of every single day, every waking hour and every sleepless night, I can’t let myself destroy myself any more.

Last New Year’s Eve I decided that this year was the year that I had to take control, be it with goals, lists and just keeping my mind as busy as I can, I have to climb my way out of the pit of darkness that has me trapped. I have to make changes, I have to begin the climb to my own salvation, I have to stop dreaming that my once knight in not so shiny armour would somehow make everything better again because I know and I have always known that he wouldn’t.
I’m the only person that can save myself and it’s one fight that I will not give up on, I will not surrender, I can’t because I’m not saving myself for me but for my little ray of sunshine, who has seen too many tears, not enough smiles, not enough laughter and she has cried to many tears herself because her world, her mummy, has been so unhappy. I can’t and I won’t let her be the one that runs to me, throws her arms around me and comforts me, that’s not right. I’m the one that does that for her, that’s my job as her mummy. It’s my job to smile and comfort her when she has tears of her own. And even though it breaks my heart every time a tear rolls down her beautiful face, it’s me she wants and needs to comfort her, which of course I always do and will do always. She is my world and I for sure are not going to let my grief, my weakness, my pain, my longing, destroy her memories, her advantages or her growth. We alone can make our world, our house (home hopefully in time), our future be the best it can be for her because she deserves the earth, the sun and every star in the sky, because to me she is all those things and so, so much more.
So screw you sick days, screw you lupus. You may stop me ticking off goals or projects, picking up a hook and creating or stopping me dancing on tables if that’s what I wished to do, but you can’t stop me making those simple special memories that only can be felt between Marly-Kate and me.

There’s no place like home šŸ”

img_4239If you have read my house to home post, you’ll know already that I’m slowly but surely doing our house up.
I call it a house because still after nearly two years it still feels like a brick and mortar. Sadly not a home.
I’m not sure if it ever will as nothing can ever come close to the place I felt so at home at.
Really a home is where your heart is and this isn’t it. With that said though, I will try my very up most to make these walls into a place Marley-Kate will always feel as if it’s her home.
The location is a delight, a little hamlet just outside Salisbury, surrounded by trees and fields, a local shop and park and a funny old bunch of neighbors that like to think they know everyone’s business, but that’s part of country life I guess (towns are worst I think for gossip etc), some have been here way before the houses were built, which is kind of nice when you think about it.
We even have a dinky train station which has proven a god send at times for my lodger/cousin, bless him, but in truth he loves living here, which is a bit of a shock after growing up in good old Brighton.

When I first viewed the house, omg I just wanted to turn around and walk away, no way was I going to pay what they were asking, it was so dirty and unloved, the garden was a bomb site, worse than actually. Marly-Kate had other ideas and even claimed her room, which she had never done before on what seemed liked a trillion houses we viewed. That was it, we put our offer in and after someone else offered over the asking price, my heart sank, so I throw in one even higher and got it, I just couldn’t upset Marly-Kate.
It all went through very fast thanks to being a cash buyer and within 4 weeks I had the keys in my hands and a pig sty of a house where my hard-earned cash once was.
The first few days of having the keys, all my good friends were here with more beer than you can imagine and within days all rooms had been cleaned and had a coat of paint, even a few floors were down and a hall carpet in place.
Since then we have just lived with it, doing small jobs and started the awful task of the garden, which is half-finished. Since then I have had a new roof put on and smashed a hole in the bricked up chimney and I’ve made my own health, I’m pretty impressed with how it turned out. šŸ˜ƒ
Just concrete, black glass, clear glass, tiny black stones which we collected from different beaches and a light black dye, mixed all up, poured into a frame-work and bobs your knob, one dull health. Hours of polishing changed that and a few coats of a sealer and it looks good, I’m more than pleased and now it holds a log burner which just adds a homely feel to these four walls.
It’s pretty cozy for those snuggles on the sofa under our home-made blankets watching movies, reading or writing Marly-Kate’s blog. Our puppy and kitten love cuddling up together by the fire, it’s very cute.
Still there is loads of work to be done, huge jobs like bathrooms, kitchen (it’s not that bad but it could be better), the rest of our garden along with decorating and small building work that needs doing inside.
It can all be done when the timing is right, I at least hope to tick a few things off the goal list this year, but I know for sure that I won’t let it get in the way of living, after all it’s really just bricks and mortar, which will still be standing way after I’m not.
Life is short and it’s making memories that matters to me more than most. Hopefully though these old bricks will be forever imbedded in Marly-Kate’s memory as her happy, safe place which she calls home.šŸ”

Goals

img_4188

 

My crafting goals for 2017.

 

Faith’s blanket – Aster. šŸ‘šŸ»

Cassie – black and white Aster šŸ‘šŸ»

Mint coffee Mandala cushion for my room šŸ‘šŸ»

Sam’s blanket – Carousel Blanket. (Wip)

Marly-Kate’s blanket – Nuts about squares (wip) šŸ‘šŸ»

Two Aster blankets which are orders.

Cable blanket (wip)

Finish mums two blankets – granny squares šŸ‘šŸ» and mandala madness.

Sophie loves Lillia Bjorn winter blanket – Scheepjes garnet, moon stone, Corundum Rudy, Crystal Quartz, Enstatite, Tourmaline and smokey quartz. (Wip)

Sophie Universe with a twist – Scheepjes crystal quartz.

Sunny Mandala cushion – mixed colours šŸ‘šŸ»

Stardust Melodies cal Afghan – scheepjes softfun in Ecru – for Rich. šŸ‘šŸ»

A day at the grand bazaar (black and white). šŸ‘šŸ»

Atlanticus- greens and blues . šŸ‘šŸ»

Labyinth Mandala Pillow- Scheepjes stonewashed in Black Onyx and Crystal Quartz.

4 cushions – Spanish Mandala (one side), Mint coffee Mandala extended (other side) – (wip)

Mandala number 5 wall hanging. For hoggers šŸ‘šŸ»

Celtric cushions – for Rich šŸ‘šŸ»