The simplest moments

Random thought of the day.

 

Marly-Kate
dancingaround the room to
The Greatest Showman.

These simplest of moments,
Make the most beautiful
And treasured memories.

Dear Marley-Kate

Dear Marly-Kate,

When you raced into this world, I looked into your eyes and you brought a love into my heart that I had never before experienced.
When you spoke your first word, when you walked your first steps, I was your biggest supporter and fan.
With every developmental milestone you reached, I revelled in joy and celebration. You taught me the meaning of love — true, unconditional love.
Now you are growing, what an amazing person you’ve become! You have your own personality, your own thoughts and opinions, and your own sense of humour. You have your own interests, your own talents, and your own way of doing things.
I celebrate your individuality and uniqueness and am so honoured to be part of your life.

May you always know your worth and how incredibly precious you are!

As your mum, it is my privilege to impart some important truths to you.

Be true to yourself always. There is no one else like you, so allow your uniqueness to shine through. You never need to change who you are for someone else. You are magnificent exactly as you are.

Live your own dreams. Figure out what makes you happy and pursue it. Follow a path of your own choosing – not mine, or anyone else’s.
Your fulfilment is what I want, and it will come from following your dreams and living a life that has meaning and purpose for you.

Don’t take life so seriously. Have fun. Laugh at yourself when you make mistakes. Don’t worry about things you cannot control. You get only one life, so enjoy it to the fullest.

Love and accept yourself unconditionally. You will always have yourself even when friends come and go, so make it your best relationship. The way you treat yourself will show others how to treat you, so treat yourself like you would your own best friend. Be kind, respectful, and loving to yourself no matter what.

Don’t be afraid to take risks. Take big, bold risks! You can accomplish great things by taking risks. Living life too cautiously and keeping the status quo will leave you with regrets. Get outside of your comfort zone and watch as that comfort zone expands. The more risks you take, the easier it becomes.

Find your soulmate.
You will meet someone with whom you fall head over heels in love and want to spend the rest of your life. As long as you are loved, respected, and treated well, I will always be happy with your choice.

And, last but certainly not least,

Know that I love you and will always be there for you. No matter what, I’ve got your back. You are my beautiful daughter and always will be. I adore you, and there is nothing you could possibly do to change that. There may be times when we don’t always see eye to eye, but I still love you and always will.

Love you to the moon and back

Mummy x

Where has the time gone

Where has the time gone, can’t believe we are in February already and I haven’t really written a blog post yet.
January was extremely busy and a tad stressful for me.

Marly-Kate started her new school after months of trying to find her the perfect placement. She loves it, she can’t wait to go in the mornings. She comes straight home, does her home work, writes her blog if she has something exciting or important to write, she than will google places, occupations etc that I’ve come across in my research. She’s learning more everyday and loving it, which is all I wanted for her.
Her happiness is the most important thing in my life. She’s truly glowing and that is the most delightful sight for any mother to see.
We had to take a trip to Paris for legal reasons, I was very unsure if I should take her with me as Paris holds a lot of extremely painful memories, I didn’t want her picking up on those but she wanted to see where she was born, so we packed a weekend bag and off we went.
The joy on her face when she saw uncle Christian waiting for us will forever be embedded in my memories. That moment alone was worth taking the trip for.
While I spent days surrounded by darkness, sorrow, anger, she had a blast playing with her cousin, getting to spend much-needed time with my brother Al, who absolutely adores her and spoils her rotten.
We laid flowers on my sisters grave, visited the house I once owned. It was a crazy busy few days.
Even though I couldn’t wait to return to English soil, goodbyes were hard, at least now we won’t have to return to a place where I only feel pain and sorrow. Good ridden to bad rubbish I say.
Life really has been pretty groovy, well until we receive the most devastating news last Friday. I’ll leave that for another post when I’ve wrapped my head around it a little more.
I’ll see you back here soon, stay safe, stay happy, stay true.

O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree

O Christmas tree,
O Christmas tree,
Your leaves are so unchanging 🌲

 

 

Adverts and movies, give the perfect impression of how we all wish our trees looked liked.🎄
Not just how they look but the magical feeling of all the family gathering around the tree decorating.
Even our memories play games and make us remember how wonderful it was to decorate the tree all together. To stand back, turn off the ceiling lights and see the beauty of Christmas come alive in front of our eyes.
In truth, who’s home is really like that?

My memories are of my step dad, loosing his cool when lights that worked perfectly before they went on the tree, didn’t work as soon as they clung to the branches.
Mum would be secretly pulling her hair out as we demanded to have our toilet roll Santa in full sight.
How we would all bicker about who’s turn it was to put the star on top of the tree.
It was far from how we all imagined it would be and somehow the tree would look picture perfect the next morning after Mum had redecorated it while we slept soundly in our beds.

Now I’m the Mum who dreams of the perfect tree, the best beautiful memories for my little girl.

Yesterday we decided to put up a tree, Marly-Kate, Rich and I went shopping for the perfect tree which couldn’t be larger than 5ft.
It was hammering with rain and we were as soggy as the field full of trees.
Marly-Kate picked the tree and all thoughts of size flow out the window. Rich straps it to the roof of his van and home we drive. Marly-Kate busting with excitement.
Well it all went horribly wrong from there.
The tree filled most of our lounge and was leaving puddles of water all over the floor.
Axe in hand, Rich goes about cutting branches off, trimming her down to size.
Finally she’s small enough for her position and it’s time to put on those lights that I had spent an age untangling.
Lights are on and finally looking as pretty as they will ever look.
Marly-Kate has a blast hanging all the decorations and we step back to see her masterpiece just as our kitten takes a running jump and lands in the middle of the tree 🤣
That’s when the laughter escaped as the lights went blank, never to work again.
Now the movies don’t do our tree decorating justice.
As I finally sat down last night with a huge mug of hot chocolate with all the trimmings, Rich and I laughed and laughed at the tree with no lights and the branches that are already turning brown and leaving a nice pile of pines under the tree.
Maybe our tree is far from perfect but the memories truly are perfection.

O Christmas tree,
O Christmas tree
How dead are your branches. 🎄

And now we’re really cooking with gas.

There’s nothing quite like sitting around with friends having great conversations over a delicious meal. Add some wine or beer (because we’re fancy like that) and now we’re really cooking with gas.

There is something special about sitting around the table to eat the meal you have just slaved away at for hours so you can fill you friends and family’s tummy’s.
Every week we make a point of all getting together for a good old feast, a chinwag and what every drink tickles your fancy.
We’ve been doing this since I returned from Paris and I have to say it’s probably the best day of the week for Marly-Kate and I.
Marly-Kate loves having everyone around, they all give her so much love, attention and time, to her they are her family.
That’s the main reason we started our feast night, so Marly-Kate could get a sense of what family life feels like.
As it just her and me and of course my baby cousin, it’s so easy just to slump in front of the tv with your dinner on your lap. I don’t want that for her, I want her to feel how dinner time should really feel.
The conversation, the smell of homemade food, the smiles, the laughter, the warm feeling that you get when all the family comes together, I want her to experience that and to hold warm memories.
Also when we get to eat good old dominos while chilling in-front of the tv, it’s special in its own way. 🍕

Though our family is spread over thousands of miles from Devon to Paris to Spain it’s not always easy to show her what family really means, that’s why feast night is so very important.
She understands that family isn’t all about blood, that it’s about the people who are never far from your side, it’s about the people who are there through the good and the bad, it’s about friendship, respect and love.
Family to us is coming together and enjoying a good meal not forced by blood but because we actually want to spend time together.

Standing up

Today is the day I said “NO More” and took my baby girl out of school.

I can’t believe that the school have not done jack about her getting bullied.
I’ve given them chance after chance and still I pick Marly-Kate up every day, eyes over whelmed with tears, that flow as soon as she spots me.
Months and month, years if I’m stating facts, of tear every single school day, before and after school.
We have had enough.
I warned them that I would remove her until she can be in a safe environment and all they did was suggest they move her into a different class.
Why Should she be punished by having to leave the teacher she likes and the few friends she has.
Nope, that isn’t happening.
She’s not the bully, she the one that goes through hell every single day.
Enough is a enough.
Maybe they will actually start to listen now.
But in truth I should not have to go to these measures!!!

Just one of those…..

Do you ever feel like you are being pulled in many different directions?
That everyone and everything wants a piece of you?
I’m totally there right now and feel as if the world is crashing in on me.
I love to be busy, mainly to keep my mind and heart away from the torment it likes to play. If I’m busy, I have no time to think, no time to let the pain take over. My busyness is my protective armour but boy right now I feel as if I’m being pulled into three or four pieces. I’m grateful in a way but 5 minutes time out would be pretty damn welcome.

So my week, what can I say about my week?
I’m been a hard one.
Firstly, my baby girl is being bullied at school because of her heart problems. She cries her little heart out every morning and bursts into tears the minute she sees me at the end of the school day.
These bullies tongues are pure evil and if they are like this now, I dread to think once they hit mainstream school, what on earth they will be like.
I know they say a bully, is a bully, because they have their own problems and they take that out on the easiest victim, my heart goes out to them but when it comes to them hurting my daughter, I will not let them get away with it.
I wrote the harshest email I’ll ever written yesterday, telling the school that I will be moving Marly-Kate from the unsettling nasty environment until I have proof that it is safe for her to return.
Trust me, they didn’t like that one bit.

On top of that, I’ve notice that when I wake, my jaw is nearly locked and that my mouth, teeth and Jaw ache. My teeth through my medication have grown weak and while I brushed my teeth yesterday one just fall out. I was horrified and phone the dentist who managed to fit me in.
She was super lovely as I went into a nervous talkative state and rambled on about any crap that came to mind.
I’m not at all scared of the dentist or treatment, what scares me is that as soon as they touch my teeth I get an abscess and that alone terrifies me.
I was told that my teeth have grown weak due to my meds and bad health and that she will not be able touch or work on my teeth because I do not bleed easily. You need to bleed in order to heal and stop infections, so it’s now a trip to the hospital, to be knocked out and any work that needs doing to help support and strengthen them will be carried out.
I’m kind of relieved if I’m honest, but also saddened by that fact that my meds are taking the goodness away from them.
I’ve alway gone 6 monthly to see the dentist and the hygienist, I’ve always been proud of my teeth so this is a kick in the gut for sure.
It’s just a waiting game now to get seen, I hope I can stay on top of the awful pain that toothache brings.
When ever I have a little niggle of discomfort, my mind always flashbacks to when Ross and I first started our friendship/relationship. Bless him, he had the worst abscess and I remember the awful pain he was in, even back then at the very beginning all I wanted to do was take his pain away, to hold him, comfort him, still to this day I want to do that.
It’s funny how you remember those moments, the moments that are part of life and not at all exciting but they stay with you for a life time. It’s funny that even back then I was so in love him without even knowing it.

This week hasn’t all be bad, I’ve managed to get a little research done, a little work and a massive house clean.
I find that when I feel myself falling, I begin to clean, cupboards are emptied, skip bags are filled and every surface to scrubbed.
If I can’t clear my heart and mind of the emotions I feel, I empty the walls that surrounded me. At least the house feels lighter and refreshed even if my mind doesn’t.
Here’s hoping that the weekend will offer time out, rest and relaxation.
Here’s hoping.
🌹🌹🌹