Reminiscing, The Cherry On The Cake.

I spent young adult years of my life with one man and they were some of the darkest, most desperate and lonely times of my life.

Now it’s different…thank f***.

Now I share my life with a partner/an equal, someone who wants to know me and accepts me inside out and me likewise.

Someone who knows my truths and won’t judge because that’s not who I am now and me likewise.

A love where we want to please each other not because we feel we ought to but because it brings us joy,

where we don’t feel responsible for each others happiness but we are happy and content  to just be together.

Where we can talk about anything and know the other will truly listen.

Where we are always free to be ourselves and will forever find joy in holding hands even in the tough times.

His love has taught me that I am responsible for my own happiness but that having that special someone, my soulmate, is the cherry on the cake.



imageWhen the days are harder than I let on to everyone, I have to pull strength from happy times, wonderful times, the most incredible time of my life so far.

When I can’t find the light I look back through my journals I have written to Ross.
I find my strength and peace in those times, those memories, those feelings.

Snippets of love, joy, contentment and hope.
These words written with love, give me something to grasp hold of.

So if you are having a bad day, and need some strength, maybe they will help you out of the darkness.
(I will add more as I come across them)

“It’s like a door opened, the world shifted and there is no way of going back to how things were before it opened.”

“That smile always just makes all my worries fade away.”

“Drowning in your sea of blue. Your soul pulls me in, happily drowning in love”

“That feeling, that spark, has to be worth it, right ?”

“I will never forget how your lush curly hair bounces off your forehead when you’ve eaten too much sugar and can’t hold still, just one little thing I love about you x”

“Every last caress and feeling you so innocently laid upon my skin carved it’s way into my soul as the earth makes a groove in a stone.”

Ross = Ross
Status ❤️

“No matter what, I don’t want us to stop being us ❤️”

I heard today, that you will only be content in life if you marry your best friend.
How flipping lucky am I because I’m head over heals in love with YOU and Ross your my one and only best friend.

They say you have to judge a man by the way they handle the Christmas lights.
That’s how I know you are perfect because you would handle them with care and respect, if you know what I mean.
Your carefully pack them away each year, making sure they are perfect for the next year. No tangled lights to puzzle out. Each bulb checked and working. They will be just perfect because every detail you put into everything, always is. Just like you are.

After all the mistakes I’ve made, I finally got it right.

Fate worked its magic and let the rat race slow down enough to fit all the pieces together, US ❤️

The perfect moment isn’t just one, it’s every second of being with the one you love.
It’s being in love.
I’m head over heels in LOVE with YOU.

When you hold me, I know that nothing can ever be bad again because I’ve got you.

When I’m worried about something or just don’t know what to do, I listen to my heart, I listen to
Ross Marks you are my heart ❤️

Every time you tell me you love me, I get my happy ever after.

We should never let a situation slip through our fingers when love can put it right.

You give me the courage to feel.
You give me the courage to love
You give me the courage to live.
You give me the courage to hope.
You give me the world.
You give me you.
I give you the courage to feel.
I give you the courage to love.
I give you the courage to live.
I give you the courage to hope.
I give you the world.
I give you me.

There is only one guarantee in life.
That I will always love you.

It’s all our little moments that gets me through being away from you.

When we are laying together snuggled as closely and snug as if nature had formed us together it’s like we are in our prefect happy ever after.
That’s what we are a fairytale come true.

Our memories are wonderful moments that become a form of energy that make us know it’s forever love.

When we first kissed I breathed in life for the first time.

The way I see it, there ain’t no bigger and more powerful force in the whole universe than LOVE itself.

Love makes the world go round. It’s the glue that hold everything together.

The moment I first felt the true me, 100% complete.
The days I first saw you walking towards me.

It starting to feel like I can not breathe without you in my arms.

We are not perfect
You know I’m not the brightest button in the box
And your a night owl (that’s not a fault at all)
But we love each other and that’s all that matters.
Two souls that fall into each other’s life’s, contacting on level, that no one could ever understand.
Who fall not just deeply in love but became best friends to.
To me that makes us perfect together.

Your always there, you never judge me, pity me, never get angry, always listen you make me smile, and ALWAYS give me butterflies. Thank you baby, thank you, thank you. I love you xxxxooooxxxx

When you hold me, your heartbeat is the most beautiful, amazing soundtrack to love.
If we could stay in each others arms forever, there would be no need for music.

I believe in fairytales, I do, I do.
You’re my happy ever after ❤️

This Love stuff is complicated but if it was simple it wouldn’t show us that it’s worth fighting for.

That first journey back after the first time I was with you was the hardest and saddest time of my life, leaving you was incredibly painful but also the happiest.
Wow I had met my soul mate and you were more, so much more than I could could have ever imagined.
Wow just wow. ❤️

Everything seems easy when I look at you and see my universe smiling back at me. 🌍

I meet the most amazing guy in the world.
My heart skips a beat at the sight of him
The first kiss hello though it was short and sweet took my breath away. I know that instant that this was more than anything I had ever felt before.
The next few hours were incredible
Learning each other, touching, loving, loosing myself in you.
My life was suddenly complete. The most wonderful feeling I have ever experienced.
My life suddenly had new meaning, I felt whole for the first time in 29 years.
The over powering feeling of live surrounded me and lifted me to a new level.
Knowing I was being loved back by the most amazing person I have ever met.
The look in your eyes, the smell of your skin, the feel of your hair between my finger, all a dream come true.
As you held my hands as we showed each other how deep our love runs.
That moment was the most perfect moment of my life.
Heart racing, more in love then I have ever felt before
You my darlin are the bees knees and I love love love you.
No one will ever compare to you.
I truly believe we are a match made in heaven, that our souls belong together.

I love you
Even if there isn’t any sun,
Any moon, any moon, any air
Or any life.

When we first got in contact with each other I never knew it would end like this
Me being so in love I feel like I don’t exist anymore
All I care about is you
I never knew I would find the best friend I could ask for
That my life meaning would change the way it has.
The laughs, the caring, the loving, the naughtiness,
It’s all been a dream
And through your love I have grown and opened up to the most amazing person I’ve ever met.
You have helped me more than you know to get through the hardest scariest times in my love and I will always be grateful for that.
My world, my attitude, my views have changed for the better thanks to you
Now I am deeply in love and love that I am.
I have given you my heart and soul.
I will forever love you.
Thank you for being you ❤️

I know we have our little disagreements, or simply argue for no reason but I wouldn’t change US for the world.
Because I knew the moment that I spoke to you, that we are as perfect as chocolate chips and ice cream.🍦
I felt the nervous butterflies dancing in my tummy as I found the words that meant the most, the tiny words, I Love You. ❤️

When I first saw you, even the air and ocean fall in love, because my love for you has no limits ❤️

For the first time ever I can feel the blood pumping through my veins.
I’ve learnt that touch is more intense than I could ever imagine.
I know how that your heart still can miss a thousand beats and it really is incredible.
You have shown me what being alive really means.
You are the fire in my soul.
You are the reason for me living.

Funny how life twists and turns.
Living through the highs and lows can be exhausting at times, but I have now learnt that the highs are so worth the lows and when excitement and joy take over your day, everything is beautiful, full of colour and wonder and that light at the end of the tunnel is in my hands glowing brightly.
I don’t know what to call this feeling but I know why and who has given my this incredible happiness.
Why I see life as a gift instead of a battle.
It all started with a new friendship that grow into something so special no other can compare. That friendship then fall into love, a over powering love that takes over my world and gives me the energy to flight any darkness that try’s to destroy my light everyday.
With this love, I have learnt to see the goodness and the light that surrounds me.
Life now is worth living, it’s a blessing and an adventure that I wish to share with my soul mate, the guy who changed my life for the better – YOU ❤️
Who gave me strength and hope. You gave me life and I’m finally living.

Tonight was so hard, so so so so so freaking hard. I’m so heartbroken and I just don’t know what to do with myself.
I had to stand there while you got on the train to go home while I got on a different train and we watched each other leave, I was crying so hard as I do every time we say our goodbyes at the station.
In the journey back I couldn’t think straight, it feels like I’ve lost part of my mind, like part of me is missing, and I’ve been searching for something to remind me that it wasn’t all a dream. I have no idea what to do from here. I need my Ross back by my side.
I’m hurting so deeply, its not just missing being able to see you and touch you and talk to you, I miss being able to turn to you and just knowing you are at most a few meters away from me. This is so hard. I had no idea how hard this was going to be every time we have to say goodbye.
My heart is so twisted right now, I feel like all my insides have been tied up in knots and my bones have been replaced with paper, I feel so weak without you.
I’ve never needed someone so much in all my life, but now I’ve felt what its like to be loved and be part of something other than myself I feel so helpless.
I’ve never been loved so unconditionally like you love me, you are the most amazing person on this earth, ever to have lived, you are my world, you are my life and you are everything to me, without you I’m not even just a mess, I’m a purposeless mess.
This is so freaking hard. I need you, I love you, I miss you.
I love love love you.

Sometimes it feels so surreal that you are actually right here. Like, right next to me. You are on the bed and I can look up right now and see you. I can walk three feet to you. You are so close and so real. I just like to stare at you sometimes like when you’re walking, talking, laughing, sleeping, every moment of everyday and just appreciate your non-digital format. It’s like every dream has come true and life is perfect, totally utterly perfect ❤️

It’s amazing how someone can be hundreds of miles away from you, and the mere thought of them still puts a smile on your face! True Love sets no boundaries.

You are my hero. You have given me a new lease on life – this time last year I would never have had had the courage to do half the things I can do now. You are more than I could have ever dreamed of. With you, it feels as though anything is possible.

I miss your warm hugs, your sweet smile, I miss the feeling I get when you hold my hand, I miss the way you look into my eyes and tell me without a word, that you love me, I miss waking up and you being the first person I see and watching you sleep…I guess what I’m trying to say is…I miss you 😢 but only one more day baby and our hearts can melt again 💙

Two people meant to be together, Two lovers dreaming of forever, And it just keeps on getting better, With every tender little pm.

In your arms I see strength, in your smile I see love, in your eyes I see tomorrow, and all our tomorrows for the rest of our lives. You are my one & only.

The voice of a god, I’m walking in heaven.😇

If I ever told you that you were a “one in a million”, I lied…you are a “once in a lifetime” 😍

I never asked for someone who could offer me the stars in the night. Just someone to lay down and watch them with is enough. But I have been given the earth, the moon the whole sky. You are my world and I love you 💗

Ross Marks – A person with whom I have an immediate connection the moment we meet – a connection so strong that you are drawn to them in a way you have never experienced. I LOVE YOU baby.

Life is for living, I live mine for you. Love is for giving, I give mine to you. Hearts are for beating, mine beats for you. Dreams are full of meaning, mine are of you. You are my eyes, I see to see you, you are my ears, I hear to hear you. You are my touch, I touch to touch you.
I love you Ross ❤️

If you look deep in side you will find, the truth. The only Truth, I LOVE YOU. I need you, I want you and no matter what, I will always LOVE YOU. I dont care where we live, where we shop, if its near the sea or wood. I dont care as long as we are together. I LOVE YOU, look deep deep inside and you will see it.💗

Nothing in this world can take the place of you. I have loved you from the beginning and I will love you till the end!😍

I will love you with every dawn and I will love you with every dusk. I love you because, my heart feels safe within your hands, within you arms, within your voice, within your smile. I love you and I will love only you

Sometimes, I can almost feel You with me. I wake to find myself sleepily saying good morning to you on my empty pillow. When I’m walking, I leave an Ross-sized space next to me on the pavement, and sometimes I swear I can feel your hand in mine.

If its amazing it won’t be easy, If its easy it won’t be amazing… We sure are amazing together ❤️

The sun rose and set today – like every other day but no one knows my world has stopped. It will move only when we are together again.
Good night Ross, you’re in my heart, soul and thoughts always. Sleep peacefully. Feel my kisses in the breeze and my whispers of my love for you. Sweet dreams. I love you xxxxxooooooxxxxx

Don’t use your duvet, please just think about my love and it will warm you. Don’t use a pillow, please just think about my hands holding your head. Good night baby, I love you xxxxxoooooxxxxx

What is love? In math, a problem. In history, a battle. In science, it’s a reaction. In art, it’s a heart. But to me? Love always will and simply be, you.❤️

I miss our play fights, our teasing, our hugs, our hour long conversations, you know I guess I just miss you, I miss us

Don’t count the miles, count the I Love Yous ❤️

I love you baby, thank you for giving me a reason to smile, to get up in the morning, to breath. You are my everything baby. If only I could express my feelings for you, show you that your all I want and how much I love you.
You really are my reason to live and I love you with everything I am. I want to grow old with you and wake up with you every morning.

Promise you’ll hold me, touch me, love me…way past forever.💗

When I first ever told you “I love you” I meant it with all my heart.
When I tell you “I will love you forever” I mean it with every beat of my heart and still love you more everyday.
There’s no one else for me.
Nothing or anyone else could ever make me change my mind about you. I love you and I always will. Forever and always.
“Good night and sweet dreams Ross I love you” xxxxoooooxxx

LOVE is knowing you are going to spend everyday of every month of every year with the same person, and thinking…this is EXACTLY how it should be.

Being in love with the man that treats you like a priceless, knows when something is wrong, and loves you for who you are.
Totally the best feeling in the world, Thank you baby xxx I love you to the moon and back. ❤️

You wrote this to me today and WOW just WOW you summed up how I feel for you perfectly.
“when being without your partner hurts, when minutes apart feels like hours, when you are together time goes far to quick, when you would rather have them screaming in your face than not hearing from them at all. when they tell you they love you and you know they mean it, when it makes your body warm and you feel safe. you will know when you are in love.” ❤️❤️❤️

Your the man that I laugh with, to the man I share my joys and fears with, to the man that makes me weak at the knees, to the man of my dreams and the LOVE of my life. My Gorgeous other half.

Do you know what’s really heart warmingly special and makes me weak at the knees … You look at me, really look at me, deep within my soul. I like that, I love you.

Your eyes are engraved in my heart. Your name is etched on my heart forever. Your love you give is deeply embedded in my soul forever.
I breathe for you. I live for you. You are my only smile in this world where I don’t feel so lonely and lost. You are the one with whom I want to spend the rest of my life. I love you with all my heart and soul.
I wish I was there to hold you tight, instead of just sending you this loving “Good Night.” Sweet dreams and remember if you may that I love love love you xxxxxxoooooxxxxxxx

To lay next to you while you sleep, is one of the most wonderful experience I’ve ever experienced.
Laying next to you, my heart skips a trillion beats, as you reach for my hand.
With each breath you draw, and the rise and fall of your chest, we breathe in the same air, pulling us that little bit closer together. I’m lost in dream, a dream that came true.
I lay with my hand intwined with my other half of my soul and I feel whole.
Your a dream that came true, the most delightful magical dream and I love, love, love you.

I Love You – these three words have my life in them. ❤️

I never asked for someone who could offer me the stars in the night. Just someone to lay down and watch them with is enough. But I have been given the earth, the moon the whole sky. You are my world and I love you.✨

They say that, life is for living, I live mine for you.
They say that, Love is for giving, I give mine only to you.
They say that, hearts are for beating, mine beats only for you.
They say that, dreams are full of meaning, mine are only of you. ❤

We were given 2 hands to hold, 2 legs to walk, 2 eyes to see, 2 ears to listen, but why only 1 heart?
Because the other was given to someone else for us to find. We are the lucky ones, we found each other’s and now we are complete. ❤️


I can’t wait to the time that we have both told each other everything, every memory, every special memories and even the not so special memories in life so far. And all we have left to to sit in our arm chairs by the fire as we reminisce all our own special memories, our own extra special moments and as we do so we will be making even more wonderful, heartfelt memories, those moments that we cherish together forever.

I meet the most amazing guy in the world, yes that’s you.
My heart skips a beat at the sight of you
The first kiss hello though it was short and sweet took my breath away. I know that instant that this was more than anything I had ever felt before.
The next few hours were incredible
Learning each other, touching, loving, loosing myself in you.
My life was suddenly complete. The most wonderful feeling I have ever experienced.
My life suddenly had new meaning, I felt whole for the first time in my 29 years.
The over powering feeling of love surrounded me and lifted me to a new level.
Knowing I was being loved back by the most amazing person I have ever met.
The look in your eyes, the smell of your skin, the feel of your hair between my fingers, all a dream come true.
As you held my hands as you loved me how I have never been loved before.
That moment was the most perfect moment of my life.
Heart racing, more in love then I have ever felt before, true unbreakable love.
You my darlin are the bees knees and I love, love, love you.
No one will ever compare to you.
I truly believe we are a match made in heaven, that our souls belong together, that we are the other half of each other’s soul.❤️

When we first got in contact with each other I never knew it would end like this, Me being so in love, I feel like I don’t exist anymore
All I care about is you.
I never knew I would find the best friend I could ask for.
That my life’s meaning would change the way it has.
Over the last year we have gone through so much but the good always out weighs the harder times.
The laughs, the caring, the loving, the naughtiness 😜
It’s all been a dream, a beautiful outstanding, wonderful dream.
And through your love I have grown and somehow you have managed to get me to open my heart, my hopes and my dreams, to the most amazing person I’ve ever met. You’ve let me see the love is real, it’s powerful and a truly beautiful feeling.
You have helped me more than you know and got me through some of the hardest, scariest times of my life and I will always be grateful for that.
My world, my attitude, my views have changed for the better, thanks to you
Now I am deeply in love and love that I am, I love that you love me just as much back.
I have given you my heart and soul.
I will forever love you.
Thank you for being you.

Wow, we are going to spend our life’s together ❤️❤️❤️

I found this today and just instantly knew that it is so very perfect for the day that we will be saying I do to each other, the day that I become your wife and you become my husband, the day that in the eyes of the law, we become one but more importantly we declare to the world how much we love, adore and treasure each other, the day that we start our adventure as husband and wife, a step closer to growing old together. The day we get to serve pizza to all our family and friends 😋.
❤️“They’re about to say I do. Three little letters, two little words. It’s the simplest part of the day, but there’s nothing simple about the things that will remain unsaid. I do means I do know I could be hurt, but I’m ready to be healed with you. It means I do want to try even when the fear of failure holds me back, and I do not know the future, but I’m ready to be surprised along the way. And I do means I do want your love and I do give you mine and nothing we do will ever be the same because you and I will be doing it all together.” ❤️

⭐️”I’m wishing upon stars for you, I think 99% are aeroplane but it only takes that one, I’m not stopping.”⭐️
When you write little things like this to me it melts my heart and I fall even more in love with you.❤️

reality is finally better than your dreams – Someday when the pages of my life end, I know that you will be the most beautiful chapters.

6th July 2011
OMG OMG, can’t believe it. You just told me you love me.
I’m totally flying right now.
I’m so in love with you, totally in love and have been for a while.
Just didn’t have the balls to tell you.
I swear my heart started falling from that first message. Every day since I’ve been falling deeper and deeper.
The more I’ve got to know you the harder I fall.
I’m totally in love with you and to tell the truth, I don’t understand this feeling. How can I be in love with someone I have never met. But I am, so madly in love. Crazy isn’t it but wow what a feeling.
Omg you love me to.
I can’t believe it.
Today is the best day of my life so far.
Those words mean everything right now, they are all that matter. You are all that matters.
I love you.
So until next time I close with the words I have wanted to say for so long.
Good night darlin, I love you xxxx

It’s more than just a diary, it’s our love, our hopes, our dreams. It’s us. – Someday when the pages of my life end, I know that you will be the most beautiful chapters.

22 June 2011
Dear Ross,
Today was the start of something magnificent, the start of a new level in our relationship, so I have decided to take that a little further and write you a journal of our time together. Of our relationship. I hope to write in it as often as I can, with special memories and moments in our journey and hope one day I will get to give it to you as a little something special for you to keep as our relationship grows.
Well today started more than a little stressful, with disappointment at having to let you down.
I can truly say, I am so disappointed, more than, totally gutted if I’m honest but you know what, what came from today, was the most treasured moment. I got to hear your voice for the first time.
Time was going so slow waiting for you to get home. Over and over in my mind I kept thinking, ” he must be home by now.” I had to control my shaking hands and try to get some work done, instead of refreshing my page. I’ve never felt so nervous, I was going to speak to you finally, why have I never called before?
Picking up the phone dialling your number, I swear I was going to be sick. What if you didn’t answer, what if you didn’t like what you heard on the phone. What if I put you off ?
My emotions and fears were running at an all time high. I was so scared.
And then you answered the phone. I heard you voice and it took my breath away. You have the most sexiest voice I have ever heard. My knees went weak and I felt faint, I don’t understand how you had that effect on me with just your voice.
I just knew I didn’t want our convocation to end, I did not know how I was going to put the phone down, little did I know you were struggling with the same problem.
That hour we spent chatting on the phone seemed like minutes, it was way to short. The whole time, my heart was a flutter and I knew that something delicious was happening.
I feel now totally lost in you. I can’t get you out my head. I need to hear your voice once more to confirm to myself I’m not dreaming, that your there and wanting us as much as me.
I’ve fallen for you so hard, I’m totally crazy about you, more so than I’m letting on and if you could have seen my little dance around my office after we hang up I think you would know how I feel and happy you make me.
I can’t believe I have fallen this hard, all I know is I love this feeling. I love the feeling you give me.
Thank you for being the best thing to ever be in life.
So until next time, I blow you kisses and hope they find you.
With all my love Rose xxx

Once upon a perfect night – Someday when the pages of my life end, I know that you will be the most beautiful chapters. october 2012.
Baby we spent our first night in each others arms.
We finally got to fall asleep together, to say good night and good morning.
Every moment was perfect. Your perfect. I want that everyday for the rest of our life’s.
I can’t get enough of being with you.
And even though we are both poorly that didn’t take the magic away.
Just snuggling up with you all night, nothing can beat that, even with runny noses and snores.
The last two days have been wonderful, just cuddling up watching Googlewhack Adventure going to meet, Tasha at her party but the best part is always when it’s just us alone holding one enough, talking until the early hours.
Nothing on this earth can every beat waking up and watching you sleep.
I’ve dreamed of that moment for so long. And it blow everything I’ve dreamed about out the water.
Every second was perfect.
Your perfect and I love you.
As I sit in bed alone now and think of you, I smile and my heart flutters. And even though you can’t hear me, I’m saying good night baby, and blowing you a kiss goodnight.
This Gizz loves you, until tomorrow I’ll be with you in our dreams. X

Let us form one body, one heart, and defend -Someday when the pages of my life end, I know that you will be the most beautiful chapters.

382535_386305334767211_1805782570_n11 July 2012. (Date 4 – Portsmouth historical docks and walls.)

I’ve just arrived home after yet again another superb date with you and we finally got our thunder-storm, and you know what, it was so much better than how we imagined it, a few more people around but never mind, that only brought a little more adventure to the beauty of it all. Along with some hairy scary moments there.

The Warrior we just fitting, playing with the big boys and guns 😛

She’s a beauty of a vessel, but nothing on those eyes of yours, I would rather gaze into the all day long.

Hee hee, I wasn’t the only one staring, think we shocked more than a few people today. I will never forget the moment when you got caught with you trousers down, not just once. Wrong of me to leave you standing to attention, but gives us a story to tell later on in life.

I think that moment, just made the day more perfect.

Well the heavens opened and played music for us to run along the streets to, trying to find somewhere dry to go, I think it was meant, because finding the pub, and playing a rather heated game of pool, our first game of pool together, couldn’t have been better. Changed the way I look at pool for a lifetime.

Baby well you know it only got more heated from that point and wetter to, skies heavy with rain, but our hearts full of the warm fluffy stuff, I think they call LOVE. Lust and passion added to that.

I can’t help but laugh to myself when I think of those poor children’s faces, when they walked into our hideout, no one should learn those facts of life that young, lol. I have got to say this is one date I will never forget. I don’t think I will ever forget any of them. They have all been so special.

Once again it was over too soon, they always are. It gets harder and harder to leave you, the more time we spend together, the more I don’t want to leave.

One day please just keep me, lock me and away, but don’t forget to feed me 😉

Loving you more than ever before, until tomorrow  xxxxxxxxxxx

It’s a pirates life for us …… Someday when the pages of my life end, I know that you will be the most beautiful chapters.


4th July 2012.

(Date 3 – yesterday)

Morning handsome, sorry I didn’t write last night, was late when I got home.Yesterday, wow, best day ever. Got to say you have made me see Portsmouth in a new light.

Can’t believe what a truly wonderful day that was.

Can’t wait to go back to the docks with you and see more.

Having trouble working out what was my best part about our date. So hard,  all of it was just bloody brilliant.

Got to admit, I felt like a kid again, running around playing with all the cool games, watching you try and fly a helicopter. Hee hee, that was a giggle.

And the cinema, well what can I say, no popcorn throwing but sure felt like  being at high school, making out in the back row 😉

The victory was awesome to, still think we should have stolen her. We are pirates you know 🙂

But you know what tops off the day, meeting Mads. She’s so lovely, but on top of that you held my hand and supported me, when my anxiety kicked it, you never left my side, that touched my heart more than you know.
I’m sorry if I made you look an idiot.
Baby , you’ve left me with a massive smile on my face, love in my heart and an ache in my body (wink wink)
Roll on our next adventure.
Loving you more everyday.
Until later babes x x x

Our second date – Someday when the pages of my life end, I know that you will be the most beautiful chapters.


12th June 2012

What an amazing day, well few hours that we got to spend together and whoop the rain didn’t stop play.

Was nervous there for a minute with all that rain on Monday, when I saw the photos of the floods, I was sure I wasn’t going to get to you.
(Thank you Mother Nature for giving us a helping hand in surprising him)
Got to tell you when I arrived at yours my tummy was in knots, I knew you were disappointed that you thought I couldn’t come.
 I’m sorry babes, but the look on your face when I walked into your room was a picture. One I will never forget.
There you were music blasting, dancing around your room.
I will never forget that moment.
It was so fantastic to see you, and to see the joy in your eyes which mirrored mine. Hee hee, we are so soppy. Love it 🙂
Our Chemistry  burnt with a passion, and yes, it sure was passion, burning red hot passion. 😉
God I never wanted to leave, and I loved the way you kept me longer and longer, determined not to let me go.
They were an amazing few hours just not long enough. 😦
God I hate leaving you. Miss you already baby.
Being away from you is excruciating, we belong together, we shouldn’t be apart, it’s wrong it’s so wrong.
Until next time baby. X X X ❤ XXX

Someday when the pages of my life end, I know that you will be the most beautiful chapters. Our first date.

imageThe last few years I have been writing my own person journal, not for myself but for Ross.
While I was away in Paris and a short while before that, I have written little snippets from each day of our journey together and apart.
This is my gift to him, so the many things he had missed he could see in full colour. From memories, feelings to photos of my life, Marly-Kate’s and mine and Ross’s time together.

At this present time I do not know if he will ever receive these gifts to him, if he even wants to see them. I thought I would share one day out of the most important book.

The 24 hours that we met.

This is very personal to my view of the hours that led up to meeting. My personal history of the most magnificent day in my life to date. The day my heart was well and truly stolen.

Saturday 3rd June 2012.

Today is the day, that I get to finally meet you, only hours to go and I guess I should be getting ready.
Before I do, I want to tell you about my day.
It’s been strange, pleasant and exciting.
Dad and I decided to take a drive to Bognor so I could get a feel for your home town before our big meeting tonight.
In the car we jump, I pod on, playing the play list I have made for our first date. Shaking with nerves, we took that long trip to Bognor. All I could think about was, I’m going to be so close to you and you don’t even know I’m there.
What happens if we bump into each other, I don’t want to meet like that, I have it all planned in my head. Links to give you clues as to where I will be, which I will post later on your wall.
I hope you can work out the clues and this all goes to plan.
My nerves built and built as we took that drive.
Once we arrived in Bognor, I couldn’t get out the car, totally terrified. Dad managed to get me out and what or who is the first thing I see, only Arion, omg my heart sinks, what if he has spotted me and calls you. Thankfully at this time I don’t believe he did.
Dad and I go to a pub on the sea front, he gets us coffee and I sit outside taking in my surroundings.
Panic sets in over and over again, at all the people around. I hope I won’t be this much of a wimp tonight, that I can get my anxiety under control.
Somehow dad manages to get me to walk along the beach with him, we sit and eat our picnic and watch the waves or lack of them. I take a few photos to remember this moment, not that I will ever forget.
We ate ice cream while heading towards the pier. Just think in a few hours I will be back there, meeting you.
Every fear runs through my head on our journey home. What if you don’t turn up, what if you do and you turn and run the other way ? What if you dislike me when you finally see me ?
What if I panic and can’t move off the spot, I don’t want you to see me have a panic attack.
So much could go wrong. There are too many what if’s running through my head.
But I’m not going to let them drill out the excitement, I’m so excited. Tonight I get to meet you. It’s a dream come true.
I best get my backside into gear and get ready.
Until tomorrow.

4th June 2012

Wow wow wow, oh my god, I’m so in love.
What an incredible evening.
Well we finally met and all I can say is ….. You blow my mind, you’ve made me the happiest girl alive.
The moment I saw you walking towards me I knew you were the one, I want to spend the rest of my life with.
Those eyes as they looked into mine, I have never seen such amazing eyes.
When our skin touched, it felt like we melted together. What is that all about, how does that even happen? But omg it felt so perfect.
The fear and anxiety left me as soon as you were standing in front of me and all I could feel was over powering love.
There are just no words to even begin to explain how you made my heart swell and made me float off into heaven 😉
All I know is I want that over and over.
I knew it before, but now there is no dealt at all that I have found my soul mate. You incredible babes. I’m so madly, passionately in love with you.
I can’t wait to be with you again.