Flashback Friday

imageAnother week over, another week older, another week wiser, another week stronger (well maybe)
Time is flying.
This week has been a good but different one.
Lots of creativity, loads of positive steps in getting healthy, lots of laughter but also tears.
But the most important part of this week was seeing Marly-Kate’s face glow with excitement as she opened her birthday pressie’s, which she got far to many. A huge thank you to everyone that made her little eyes light up and made her day the best it could be.
The worst about the week was last night when I asked her
“Did all your dreams come true today sweetheart?”
Her reply broke my heart 💔

“No mummy, all I want for my birthday is for you to see daaaaa…….Ross. I want happy mummy”

Those words just shattered me into a trillion pieces. 😢 Even though those words cut through me like a knife, the beauty in those words are incredible. How very beautiful and special is my little girls soul, to want something not for herself but for me. That is so touching and incredibly humble and beautiful.

I guess it kinda makes this weeks flashback kinda perfect.
So I will leave you with “Heart to heart” and hope you have an awesome weekend, stay safe, positive and smile because you know what a true smile is truly bewitching.

imageHeart to heart

So the weekend is over and as I step back into my every day life that if I have to admit, it’s pretty good even if it is a struggle.
The weekend is over but is playing havoc with my mind.
One of my long time friends came to stay for the weekend and even though I had a blast in spending time with someone I do not give enough time to and picking up my camera, which I’m told I do not do enough.
Our imaginations ran wild and I felt a sense of pride in myself as photography came back to me so naturally.
It’s been a long time since I picked my camera up, I guess I just haven’t felt well enough to let my mind race with the possibilities that light can give us. My phone is my snap happy camera, as I just haven’t had the mind-set to do anything other than pull it out my pocket and take standard pictures, with no thought or love.
It felt good to see an image I had created with my mind, my heart and my soul.
It also felt good to laugh and smile until I was told to sit, and listen.
A good old heart to heart began.

I sat and listened to my friend tell me that I have lost not only my sparkle, but the life from my eyes.

I was told that no amount of my trying would ever replace, the glow I once had, that no smile will ever match, the one I wore and no amount of trying will ever mend the part of me that broke into a trillion pieces that day my life, my love, my heart and soul came crashing down around me.

The funny thing is I already know that, but hearing it from one of my life long friends, kind of brought it home.

I’ve forgotten how to truly be happy, to truly smile, to be the person who had her dream in her hands and the love of her life in her life.
That love, that undying love that made me glow, that made my heart take flight, that love that made me breathe in air for the first time, that love that completed me.

I have finally had to face that life no matter how hard I try to be happy, normal, care free, will always be filled with an emptiness so deep within my soul, that my eyes will never shine and twinkle the way I wish they would, the way they did when I was with him.

It’s hard to hear from friends that even though I smile, laugh, joke and live, that my eyes hold no secrets and bear all to see, that my light will never burn as brightly and beautifully as they once did.
I’ve always said the eyes are the window to the soul, I just didn’t see that my soul is so easy to read.

Summer time

Wake up it’s a beautiful morning.
How lovely is it to feel the sun on your skin, the cool breeze silently dancing around you, the birds singing, and the sheep barring in the fields around me.
There is just something so magical about summer days.
Good moods sore, until it’s time to sleep anyway, 😝.
I’ve never noticed before but the feeling of warmth is delightful, it even warms your soul somehow.
How can we not notice the beauty of life when spring suddenly feels like summer. The flowers begin to bloom with their smiling faces and the butterflies and bumble bees dance happily around them.
Even watching the clean sheets blowing so gently on the line has its own kind of wonder.
Summer is beautiful and truly magical.
Try and stop for a few minutes and take in the gorgeousness around you, breathe in the fresh air and let life brighten you.
Until next time, enjoy the sun and the wonders it brings.
Have a nice day.

In the light of something beautiful

Beautiful landscape of glistening frost and snow covered trees coming out of pages in magical book

Beautiful landscape of glistening frost and snow covered trees coming out of pages in magical book

As I woke up to a new day, the world is full of possibilities.
The air is fresh and the world is slowly stirring to the beginning of a new page in the book of our life’s.
As I sat outside, in the frost of the dawn and warm my hands by the heat of my coffee.
My eyes widen to the beauty around me.
The leafs left on the branches or scattered on the ground glisten, spiders web twinkle in the morning sun.
The world begins to thaw, the dew drops falling off the washing line, feeding the earth below.
I smile and think that even though the world can be ugly at times, there may just be hope for us all.

I wrote this a while before I started to blog.
As the country turns into a magical winter wonderland, I thought I would share it with you.

Just the way you are

imageGood morning, and welcome to another wet dull summers day. (I don’t think summers turning up this year)
Having to remind myself of this today
It’s never too late or too early to be who you are capable of being. There’s no time limit, you can simply start and stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same. You can make the best or the worst of it. It’s up to you.
Try and do things that startle you. Feel things you’ve never felt before. Spend time with people who help you grow. Live a life you’re proud of.

If you find that you’re not, have the courage to make a change.
You are unique.
You are unrepeatable.
There is a magic about you that is all your own.

Having a low opinion of yourself is not humility, it’s self-destruction. Holding your uniqueness in high regard is not egotism, it’s a necessary precondition to happiness and success.
You deserve to wear a smile in your heart. Not because of what you have or what you do, but because of who you are.
Yes, you are changing each day, but you are always amazing just as you are.