I will cherish that

imageLooking down at Marly sleeping in her cot and realizing she needed me more than ever, I wanted to be a loving perfect Mum and love her more than anything or anyone, which of course came the second I saw her, hitting me like a ton of bricks, a love so different from any other, a love that consumes every inch of your being, but life was determined to keep ruining our time together.
Hours and hours, weeks and years of hospitals check ups, tests and more tests, scared sleepless nights, more hospital appointments (for both of us)
It wasn’t going to beat us anymore though. I had, had enough of the heartache it had brought us for far too long, and didn’t want to let Marly-Kate down as I knew she had been sent to put me back on track.
So somehow, I have no idea how, we got through the last few years of devastation, loss, hurt, and pain.
Today after a long hard battle and still at times trying to make sense of certain aspects of my life, fighting daily at times, I push forward with grit and determination knowing I will not be beaten by this.
There have been people who have been of great support along the way, one that has passed and who I will never forget and that was my good old friend Porter, of course Ross was my brick in the early days. (I still think about all the selfless support you gave me and miss and love you every day).
So as today starts for me, I want to say thank you to all of you who stood besides me, gave me an ear, sat by mine and Marly-Kate’s hospital bed and held my hand, looked after Marly when I have treatment.
I know I’m not the easiest to give love, care and support to, as I’m very good at building walls and shutting the world out but when I do let someone in to my heart, be it in love or friendship, I give a bond that I never want to lose. I give each friend a little piece of my heart, and that there is a big even huge thing for me.
I don’t let many people in so when I do, it means something.

In your own little ways over the years you saved my life and I will cherish that until I take my last breath.
Thank you. 💗
Happy New Year.

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Alive

imageNothing starts easy.. everything begins at some level of difficulty. Even waking up in the morning sometimes requires a notable effort. But one beautiful thing about life is your alive.
Life is all about taking chances. It’s about doing something you initially thought you could never do. It’s about being a little crazy, following your heart, and not worrying about every detail of what everyone else thinks. And above all, it’s about learning to love who you are and what you have.