The Christmas I was named

The tree was shimmering, the house smelt of turkey and wine flowed as Mum kept busy in the kitchen on that magical Christmas Eve.
My mum was holding Christmas that rememberable year, all the family were coming to ours, for plates full of turkey and all the trimmings.

As we prepare to go to Christingle, followed by Christmas drinks and nibbles, Mum puts the freshly cooked turkey in our what seemed to Jane, Alex and I our huge shed.
How we loved that shed, we would spend hours upon hours playing happily in there, we would crush petals and make perfumes, bottle them up and give them as Christmas pressies to our grandparents and other unlucky relations. 😂
So off we went for an evening full of Christmas joys, carols, party games and way to much alcohol. 🍷
On our return home, Jane and I ran to our shed to carry on the game that we had unwilling left.
On opening the door we weren’t met by the smell of turkey that should have been cooling inside, instead we were greeted by every cat from our neighbourhood as well as some other cheeky buggers that gate crashed the feline Christmas party which was in full flow around our turkey 🦃
As they fled from the scene, leaving behind bones where once sat our Christmas dinner. 🤣
Jane and I roared with laughter as we made our exit from the underground feline Christmas party 🎈 Running as fast as we could to tell Mum all about the naughty kitty’s, my feet skid from under me as I fall face first down the stairs of our shed, smashing my nose as I hit the icy path below.

Christmas Eve turned manic as John (my step dad) chased cats out the garden, Mum became my own personal nurse as I covered her party dress in blood and our turkey sat in the roasting tin, naked.
It definitely was a sight to see.
Tears flowed, giggles exploded into ear-piecing laughter and Christmas was declared, cancelled.
So off to bed I go, feeling sorry for myself with my bright red nose.
As I awake to the, ho, ho, ho of
Christmas morning, Santa has come and gone, milk, mince pies, carrots have been consumed, presents filled our front room.
As we sat opening presents, an unexpected ring of our door bell sends us young ones to the next level of excitement. Standing on tiptoes, I manage to pull open the door to be greeted by a gathering of our neighbours, friends and family with dishes and dishes full of turkey and the words that would stay with me a lifetime.

“Happy Christmas Rudolph”

A Christmas nickname that would stay with me a lifetime but more importantly, memories of the not so perfect Christmas becoming the memory that first comes to mind when I think of Christmas past, the Christmas I was named Rudolph.


O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree

O Christmas tree,
O Christmas tree,
Your leaves are so unchanging 🌲



Adverts and movies, give the perfect impression of how we all wish our trees looked liked.🎄
Not just how they look but the magical feeling of all the family gathering around the tree decorating.
Even our memories play games and make us remember how wonderful it was to decorate the tree all together. To stand back, turn off the ceiling lights and see the beauty of Christmas come alive in front of our eyes.
In truth, who’s home is really like that?

My memories are of my step dad, loosing his cool when lights that worked perfectly before they went on the tree, didn’t work as soon as they clung to the branches.
Mum would be secretly pulling her hair out as we demanded to have our toilet roll Santa in full sight.
How we would all bicker about who’s turn it was to put the star on top of the tree.
It was far from how we all imagined it would be and somehow the tree would look picture perfect the next morning after Mum had redecorated it while we slept soundly in our beds.

Now I’m the Mum who dreams of the perfect tree, the best beautiful memories for my little girl.

Yesterday we decided to put up a tree, Marly-Kate, Rich and I went shopping for the perfect tree which couldn’t be larger than 5ft.
It was hammering with rain and we were as soggy as the field full of trees.
Marly-Kate picked the tree and all thoughts of size flow out the window. Rich straps it to the roof of his van and home we drive. Marly-Kate busting with excitement.
Well it all went horribly wrong from there.
The tree filled most of our lounge and was leaving puddles of water all over the floor.
Axe in hand, Rich goes about cutting branches off, trimming her down to size.
Finally she’s small enough for her position and it’s time to put on those lights that I had spent an age untangling.
Lights are on and finally looking as pretty as they will ever look.
Marly-Kate has a blast hanging all the decorations and we step back to see her masterpiece just as our kitten takes a running jump and lands in the middle of the tree 🤣
That’s when the laughter escaped as the lights went blank, never to work again.
Now the movies don’t do our tree decorating justice.
As I finally sat down last night with a huge mug of hot chocolate with all the trimmings, Rich and I laughed and laughed at the tree with no lights and the branches that are already turning brown and leaving a nice pile of pines under the tree.
Maybe our tree is far from perfect but the memories truly are perfection.

O Christmas tree,
O Christmas tree
How dead are your branches. 🎄

No, no, no

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas 
Ev’rywhere you go; 
Take a look in the five-and-ten, glistening once again 
With candy canes and silver lanes aglow. 
It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas, 
Toys in ev’ry store, 
But the prettiest sight to see is the holly that will be 
On your own front door.

No, no,no, it’s only November!!!
Every other advertisement on the telly is about Christmas, Marly-Kate is already thinking about Santa coming down the chimney and the letter she wishes to write.
Shops are playing carols and every weekend is filled with Christmas party’s and hangovers.
While I’m pulling my hair out, it’s just to soon for all the hype and fake jolliness that starts way to early.
Maybe I’m a little burg humbug when it’s comes to this time of year, it’s not the fact I don’t like Christmas 🎄 because I do in my own little way. I love the shimmer of the Christmas tree, the roaring fire, the excitement in Marly-Kate’s eyes as she runs downstairs to see if Father Christmas has come down our chimney. Christmas to me, reminds me of the people I’ve lost, the people who I wish were by my side watching Marly-Kate nearly burst with pure joy as she watches others open the presents she has either brought or made them.🎁
To me it’s a really sad time of year.
I think of the homeless, the people who for one reason or another can’t be with their loved ones, the lonely soldiers, the elderly widow whom would do anything just to have their lost loved one by their side for just one more day. The poor orphans whom only have one wish, to have a mummy or a daddy they can call their own.
So this year, I’m going to try to make a difference, even if in the grand system of things won’t even begin to make a dent in the cruel world we live in.
This year with every gift I buy, I will buy a second, with every gift I make, I’ll make another.
Marly-Kate and I will gift these to children who have no presents under the tree, the elderly lady or gent who cries silent tears for the life and love they once had, the homeless who need a reminder that they are no forgotten by giving them a little warmth, be it a hat, a scarf or a blanket, a warm coffee or a steaming hot meal.
This Christmas I’m giving back, why don’t you join me. 🎁

One small thing

imageChristmas isn’t the only time you can do something for others especially the ones who need it most in society, you can do things all year round.
Making a difference in someone’s life is one of the best feelings ever, and everyone has the capacity to do it.
Be someone’s light !
One small thing could change their whole day even life.

Flashback Friday

imageStepping back again with Flashback Friday

Magic – December 18th 2014

Christmas – love it or hate it, it’s a time of year that we can’t run away from or make it last longer.
So what is it that you love or hate about this magical time of year?

I have always love Christmas, not so much the day but the build up.
So what changed in me, that now I see no sparkle or joy for it in my heart.
I guess it’s the fact that, christmas reminds me of the people I can’t be with.
I feel this sadness welling up at me of not seeing certain people open there pressies that I have put love and attention to.
Seeing their faces light up as they catch a glimpse of what’s inside the badly wrapped gift.
A gift brought not because I felt I had to but because I wanted to see that smile, the joy of receiving something hand-picked for them.
All the thought I had put into their gift, shines through that factory made object.
They saw for the first time, that love, friendship and a little of me can really be given.
To me this is what made Christmas magical.
It was the joy of giving, the joy of touching someone deep within their soul.

My sis and I always took special time and thought into our gifts especially for each other.
Maybe the magic of Christmas disappeared when she left this world.
Or maybe it’s that there are no many people left that I can give the thought, love and attention to.
For I have lost the most important people in my life and I guess Christmas now reminds me of not being able to love them, surprise them.
A few remain but for reason I can’t show them, how much they mean to me, through a gift.
A dear, dear special friend, I had the honour of giving her a gift, but I so wish I had, had the time to show her through her gift, what she means to me.
Hopefully she already knows and maybe will feel a little glow of warmth when she opens it.

I guess that’s why from somewhere deep inside of me, I decide to make most of my gifts this year.
For some reason that just seemed to me more special than running to the shop and buying something random that you think they may like.
A home-made gift, just felt right this year, I don’t know really why but it did, and no it isn’t to cut costs, it’s really not cheap to make things, but it’s so worth it, the love and respect you put into every single pressie, is worth so much more than that bargain find on the net.

Anyway I have gone off track here.

So what is it about Christmas that is so magical?

I remember the feeling of loving the lights, sparkling with new hope, like little fairies twinkling.
The smell of the Christmas tree filling the room with a joy of running through the forest as a child.
The frosty mornings where the world is alight, fresh and beautiful.
Orange and lemon slices, sherry, chocolate oranges and all those Christmas goodies that are scattered around the home so guests feel welcome.
The smell of baking, the one time of year that we all pull out our cook books and try to be Jamie Oliver, knowing that the first attempt will end up in the bin, but boy we all are determined to cook at least something from scratch.
It really doesn’t matter what you cook it’s the smell that drifts around the home that is really magical even if burnt, that’s the Christmas that will be remembered and laughed at, the year that you burnt everything.
Something so simple will make a fondest memory.
Like the year the cat ate the turkey.
she really did, nothing left apart from bones, at least the cats had a great Christmas, lol)

Doesn’t that sum Christmas up, it’s making memories.
Are not some of your cutest memories ones of Christmas past.
I know some of mine are.

Sitting in my bedroom with my cousin, crossed legged in my bay window, looking up to the sky, hoping that you will see Santa, hours and hours, watching, hoping and believing in magic. Its beautiful really isn’t it.
Or the moment when you hear the sleigh bells ring as Santa arrives by horse and trap into your road.
We would run out and give him money for charity and we would get a candy cane.
That feeling of delight, that you met Santa.
You hold on so tight to your candy, you just can’t eat it, it’s too special.
Well until your brother steals it and eats it. Yes Al I’m talking about you :p

Those little moments stay with you for ever.
I guess that’s really the magic of Christmas.
Love or hate it now, it’s here, why not take a moment to see magic, if only in the faces of others.

Flashback Friday

imageFlashing back to 11th December 2013
All I want for …..

Ross, I made you a little something for your song of the day.
I remember clearly the day we brought this Christmas decoration.
Happy days and great memories.
I wish so many things were the way they were, I wish we could be together, you’re all I want baby, Christmas or no Christmas, you’re still all I want.
I love you so much.


Three little things

Holiday depression and winter season anxiety and emotional crisis concept as a human eyeball crying a tear with a christmas tree inside as a metaphor for seasonal sadness.

Holiday depression and winter season anxiety and emotional crisis concept as a human eyeball crying a tear with a christmas tree inside as a metaphor for seasonal sadness.

Mental health can affect us all in some way whether it is us or loved one struggling. Life’s twists and turns can make us feel down and start us off with depression.
We then might get anxious in various situations and struggle to make sense of everything, and sometimes without really knowing why.
Other life events can make us feel worthless and unwanted/unloved and make us think things that maybe we wouldn’t usually.

I guess in a way that’s why I blog, so people can see they are not alone.

With Christmas coming up it is a time of year I think affects a lot of people, so if you have any family members/friends who you see struggling, try to find time to have a listening ear, a smile and a comforting hug. Those three little things go a long way.

Stay strong everyone in your daily battles and keep fighting through, on your own it may feel a challenge but the challenge lessens with us all fighting through together and making each others lives that much more positive and brighter.