As deep as your mind allows.

imageEverything you want is on the other side of fear.
Don’t ever hesitate to give yourself a chance to be everything you are capable of being.Fear can feel overwhelming, and defeats more people than any other force in the world.. it’s not as powerful as it seems.

Fear is only as deep as your mind allows.

You are still in control. The key is to acknowledge your fear and directly address it. You must step right up and confront it face to face. This tactic robs fear of its power, instead of fear robbing you of..!
There is not a clear path that everyone should follow. Your greatest fear should not be of failure, but of succeeding in life at all the wrong things. Choose a path that fits you. Those who follow the crowd usually get lost in it. Challenge yourself to ask with each and every step, and each focus point that consumes your energy.
Whatever you settle on, just make sure you don’t gain the whole world by losing your soul and purpose in the process.

image

The things

imageThe things no one else is doing.
The things that frighten you.
The things others can’t do for you.
The things that make you question how much longer you can hold on and push forward.
The things that define you.

Those are the things that make the difference between existing and living… between knowing the path and walking the path… between a life of defeat and a life filled with happiness and success.
Adversity is an inevitability, and it’s much like walking in to a turbulent windstorm. As you fight to push through it, you not only gain strength, but it tears away from you all but the essential parts of you that cannot be torn.
Once you come out of the storm you see yourself as you really are in raw form, still holding the passions and values that move you, and little else.
These are the lusts that matter.. the inner love and vows that define you.
It is this kind of love that drives you forward and even when the going gets tough. It is this kind of love that strengthens the mind, body and soul.

ADDICT

imageI personally believe, one of the hardest challenges we face in life is to simply live in our own skin…to just be right here, right now, regardless of where we are. Too often we needlessly distract ourselves with anything and everything…food, shopping, television, tabloid news, online social networks, video games, cell phones, iPods, etc… basically anything to keep us from being fully present in the current moment.
We use compulsive work, compulsive exercise, ect, ect, to escape from ourselves and the realities of living.
In fact, many of us will go to great lengths to avoid the feeling of being alone in an undistracted environment.
So we succumb to hanging-out with just about anybody to avoid the feeling of solitude, as being alone means dealing with our true feelings…fear, anxiety, happiness, anger, joy, resentment, disappointment, anticipation, sadness, excitement, despair, and so on and so forth.
It doesn’t really matter if our feelings are positive or negative…they are overwhelming and exhausting, so we prefer to numb ourselves to them.
The bottom line is that every one of us is an
ADDICT
and what we are addicted to is avoiding ourselves.
Acknowledging this addiction is the first step to healing it.
Try noticing with curiosity, and without judgement, all of the ways in which you avoid being in your own skin, right here, right now, in this present moment we call life.
We just might learn a thing or to.

Yesterday and tomorrow

imageThoughts and feelings…
A different destination…
A different ending every time…
A new land of dreams…
A new land of something that only your heart and fears will know…!
No matter what’s happening, anyone can efficiently fight the battles of just one day. It’s only when you add the battles of those two abysmal eternities, yesterday and tomorrow, that life gets overwhelmingly complicated.

Realise that it’s not the experience of today that holds you back and drives you crazy, but the regret and resentment about something that happened yesterday or the fear and dread of what tomorrow might bring. It’s necessary, to let yourself live just one day at a time.. just today.. just right here, right now.

The desire

imageThe desire for constant happiness only makes us miserable. Because nothing in life is constant. There is neither absolute happiness nor absolute sadness. There are only the changes in our moods that swing between these two extremes.
At any given moment we’re comparing how we feel to how we felt at another time.. comparing one level of our contentment to another. In this way, those of us who have felt great sadness are best able to feel heightened feelings of happiness after we emotionally heal.

We must know misery to identify times of elation.

The key on a daily basis, nevertheless, is to live your life in full. Experience the highs and the lows, the positives and negatives, and all the moods present in between.
Don’t focus on simply being happy.
Focus on living a well-seasoned life. Focus on achieving completeness. Yes, happiness is part of this completeness, but so is sadness, difficulty, frustration, and failure.
And overcoming these latter points supports your personal growth far more than constant happiness.

Perfected their weapons.

imageThe feeling you get when your partner be it your husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend, not only scares you but when he/she hurts you for that very first time.
No other fear is like it,
It doesn’t ever stop !!!
You never become less scared only more.
You want to give them the benefit of the dealt so you forgive and try to forget, you don’t want to believe they are capable of laying their hands on you.
You tell yourself, it’s you not them, you’re the one at fault for not loving them enough, not being worthy, not carrying out your jobs properly.

But you don’t or won’t let yourself believe that they raised their hand to you, that they made you feel weak and scared, so scared that you know you should turn away from them with your finger in the air.
But you don’t !!!
You just blame yourself instead. They scare every inch of self-worth out of you and you truly believe, you are to blame.
They make you believe.

Once they feel that power in them, it will never leave. It will only grow.
Be it a slap, a punch, grabbing you and holding you with force, it will only grow with time.
It’s like part off them is rooting inside, forming a different being which slowly takes over.
They have the power

Your this tiny soul who is scared of their own shadow as they slowly but surely grow with the power they hold over you.
Like the monster under your bed, when you give them the power by feeding them with your fear, they make you shake in your shoes, they make the dark darker, the air you breathe thicker, the light in your soul, fade faster than anything or anyone has ever done.
Fear eats slowly away at you.

Please have faith to believe that the first time won’t be the last, no matter how sorry they say they are, no matter how they try to make amends, the control the power has been felt and they will want more.
It won’t stop, it will never stop until you find your inner strength and run as fast as you can in the opposite direction.

DO NOT let the hidden monster win, they will never change, no matter how hard they try.
The power of fear will rear its ugly head once more, be it a day, a week, a month or a year.
The fire has been lit and it will soar.

Alone

imageI know I have brought it on my self but at times I feel totally alone.
Even with that feeling I still don’t want to put myself out there and see people, talk to anyone or even chat random crap on the phone.
I know over the last year or so I have pushed everyone away, even my nearest and dearest.
I’m a closed book that won’t open up to anyone, not even my family and friends. The walls are higher than ever and if anyone wants to know how I’m feeling or thinking than their first port of call is this blog.

So when did I turn from party animal, the girl who couldn’t be alone or away from friends for more than a few hours?
What changed in me?

I think it’s a case of being scared to open up and get close to anyone.
Maybe I’ve gone so far away from letting people in, it’s to late for me.

The truth of the matter is, I have family and friends who want to be there, they want to hold my hand when I’m sick, hug me when I cry and laugh with me when I laugh.

So why do I keep pushing them away?
Why do I feel I have to face my battles alone?

Have I been hurt so badly that I just can’t face being hurt in any way at all?
I am scared of the judgement from others?

I’ve been wrongly judged by so many over the last two years, I just don’t seem to have the strength to fight that any more.
Along with the life lesson of learning who really cares and who could turn their backs so easily.
I guess it has damaged me more than I knew it ever would.

I know I’m not a bad person, my heart though broken is a kind one and I always am there for who ever wants to unload their problems on my shoulders.
I listen, I truly listen and I’m there when they need me, ALWAYS.
But something in me just won’t let me get close to anyone no matter who they are.

I also believe that if I shut myself off from the world that when my ticking time bomb finally decides not to tick anymore, I want to spare them the pain that I have had for the last few years.
Heartbreak and loss has made my warm heart grow cold and the once melted Ice Maiden has frozen to new levels, leaving me more alone than I have been, even when I’m with people I still feel lost and alone.

But what my heart seems to want to tell me is that I feel alone because I am no longer complete.
My other half, my better half has vanished out of my life leaving me just a shell of the person I was when he was with me.