Flashback Friday

As this week is coming to a closure, I’m looking back at my week and thinking to myself, it hasn’t been the worst week but not the best either.
I wonder why some weeks are so much harder than others and why life keeps sending us to our knees.
Why do some people have an easy ride, when others stumble at ever bump in the road?
Is it because we are strong enough to come through it, have we got a seed planted deep within us, that somehow gives us what we need to survive?
It really does puzzle me why some get a near on impossible hand in life and other sail though with their perfect life, lovers and mind-set.
What is it that makes them so special that life is practically handed to them on a plate while over struggle to even put food on theirs so they can feed their children?
Life is such a mystery and at times, more times than I care to think about a cruel, evil place.
Thankfully I can look around me a see the beautiful that this world gives us, but I will never understand why some people just want to set out to destroy.
Take my neighbor for instance. She comes across as this sweet old lady, who has all the time in the world to chitchat across the fence. 👵🏻 The next minute though she is slating everyone she knows. She doesn’t leave it there though, she reports everyone, I mean everyone, yes even me. Apparently one BBQ means I’m constantly having bomb-fires in my garden, I’m not kidding you. We have had one BBQ and within a week we had a complaint from the council. The next was a complaint about barking, there has been a few of them now. I admit my puppy barks at the postman, isn’t that his job though?
Talking of the postman, she has just reported him because I made him a coffee. Now his job is on the line. (Uncalled for, totally uncalled for)
Considering I live in the country and we are meant to have that country bond thing going on, it’s seriously like being back in high school.
Why would someone want to make people’s life’s miserable, why would you do that? How can one find pleasure in other pain?
I will never understand it.
Shouldn’t neighbours be there through good and bad. It’s not even like we live in council house, we all own our houses, so she can’t get us moved on. I honestly think she has nothing better to do and just likes to cause misery.

So as this week draws to an end, the sun is shining, freedom is hours away and the world is ours, it’s time to look back to times passed so without further ado I’ll wish you an awesome weekend and give you………

A Million Scars.

I have hit a milestone and have not self harmed for a while now.
Kinda proud considering how hard life has been, but I made a promise which I plan to keep.

So as a little celebration to myself, I thought I would share this with you.
I know if I had read it before I made that first cut, I would have thought twice about picking up that blade.
Hopefully it may help someone, who may just happen to stumble across it here.

Before you make that first cut, remember.
You will find the blood and pain release addictive.
Even though you think you can make a few tiny cuts that aren’t deep and will heal easily.
They will get deeper.
They will scar.
They will take sometimes months to heal.
And years for the scars to fade.
If you think you can limit the cutting to one area of your body think again.
It will spread when you run out of skin.
Be prepared to withdraw from others and live in a constant state of shame.
Even if you are the most honest person ever to live–
You will find yourself lying to the people you love.
You will jerk back from your friends when they touch you as if their hands were dipped in poison.
You will be terrified that they will feel something under the cloth of your shirt or because it just plain hurts so much to be touched.
Be prepared to get so out of control you fear your next cut because you don’t know how bad it will be.
Just wait for 10 cuts to turn into 100.
Be prepared for your entire life to revolve around thinking about cutting–
Cutting and covering up cutting.
And just wait till that first time you cut “too deep.”
And you freak out because the blood won’t stop…
And you are gasping…
And you feel yourself shaking all over.
You are having a panic attack and you are terrified but you can`t tell anyone.
So you sit there alone…
Praying it will be okay–
Swearing you’ll never let it go this far again…
But you will, and further….
Don’t worry, you will learn how to take care of your cuts so that you can go deeper and deeper and avoid the ER.
And the better you get at treating your cuts,
The deeper they get.
You will lie to yourself and justify it when you find yourself spending 20, 30, or 50 dollars every time you go the pharmacy.
You will feel the flutter of your heartbeat every time you go to the counter to ring up your order.
Butterfly strips–
3 or 4 different kinds of dressings…
Betadine…
Antibiotic cream…
Medical tape…
Scar reducers…
You will tap your foot impatiently hoping the line will just move and no one will stare at you or wonder why you need all these things.
And at the same time secretly hope someone will notice–
Someone who is standing in line with an armful of the same supplies.
Someone who understands–
But of course that never happens.
Medical supplies won’t be the only thing you spend all your money on.
Be prepared to buy a new wardrobe.
Longsleeve shirts in summer colors, bracelets, wristbands, boots…
The list goes on and on.
You will start looking at everyone in a different way.
Scanning their bodies for any signs of SI.
Just hoping that you might meet someone like you so you don’t feel so terribly alone.
You wont even think about it,
As your eyes scan their wrists arms.
Hoping, just hoping they will be like you.
But they are not.
You will see their clean arms and feel terribly ashamed and alone.
You will start doing a lot of things alone.
You will always have to wash your laundry in private so no one sees the blood stains on your clothes and towels.
You will always be cleaning up the blood.
Scrubbing your bathroom floor.
Wiping the blood off your keyboard.
You won’t be able to make it through a day without cutting.
Next thing you know you are in a public bathroom somewhere breaking open a scab with a sewing needle that you keep in your wallet for emergencies.
When you get really desperate,
Anything will be a cutting tool…
Scissors…a car key…a needle…a paperclip…even a pen.
Doesn’t matter what it is if you need to cut bad enough you will find something.
Say goodbye to things you took for granted.
Like wearing shorts or sandals… sleeveless tops.
A normal summer day at the beach or in a swimming pool will become a far off memory for you.
Get ready to itch.
Because you will itch and itch.
So much you will look like you have fleas or a skin disease.
You will become an expert on your body as you destroy it carefully.
You will dream about cutting.
You will dream about being exposed.
It will haunt you day and night and take over your life.
You will wish you never made that first cut because while you absolutely hate cutting.
At the same time you love it and can not live without it…

Author unknown

Not so FBF

It’s been a week full of emotions that I just can’t handle dealing with, so I have to try to push them deep down within.
It’s also been the week that holds a Birthday of the most amazing special guy in my life. Him being him, he was the one gifting me a pressie. How sweet is that.
The week has flown by again and it’s been pretty full on. My bud Rich decided to pop in with paint and is giving my kitchen a once over, it’s been pretty nice having him around to be honest, Marly-Kate adores him and was more than happy to pick up a paintbrush and lend him a hand, puppy joined in to and managed to walk paint through the house and has a lovely new whitish coat to show for his hard work. 😜
Marly-Kate and I have gone on short bike rides and had picnics  in the sunshine. ☀️I love school holidays, we get to spend quality time together, with no morning stress to get her in the classroom. She still dislikes school intensely, if your one of the lucky ones that can read her blog, she sums it up Pretty well on there. I shouldn’t laugh, but her posts are just so funny.

I love how she sees the world, it’s so pure.
I’ve always said that I wish I could see the world through her eyes. How wonderful would it be to watch bubbles floating the way she does, the excitement and pure joy as she tries her hardest to catch them without popping them. The way she sits as quite as a mouse 🐭 watching ladybugs 🐞, ants 🐜 and any other insects that catch her eye. You can hear her talking to them and laughing to herself as she makes up little stories about what they are doing and how their life’s are lived. It’s so magical, it truly is. 💗
Why as adults do we lose the ability to create beauty in our own minds?
Watching her climb trees 🌲, rope swing across the river, giving her cousin DJ a run for his money, has to be the most wonderful gift I’ve ever been given. She truly is a beautiful spirit and I’m honoured to have her in my life, she is pure bliss and my ray of sunshine. I’m so very proud of her.

So the weekend is upon us, that means it’s time to rewind time and revisit older blog posts.
I have no idea what I’m going to share with you today so I think I may just leave it and wish you a sun filled weekend.
Have a good one peeps and hopefully see you back here soon.

🌹🌹🌹

 

Flashback Friday

It’s been a while.
Life has been kinda hard over the last few weeks. I’ve spent a lot of time with my mum, which has been special, if only it had been under better circumstances.

I knew something was a miss when I opened the door and my mum and dad were stood there. It’s a long old drive, just to pop in for a coffee.

May seems to alway be an awful month for me, not just me, but mum to. If I could only blink and May and June would be over, sadly that’s not the case, so I’ll just have to face them while being as strong as I can.

So mum tells me that she has her latest MRI results back. My heart sunk right that second and I knew it wasn’t going to be good news, they wouldn’t be sat in my sofa if everything was rosie.
Her brain tumour has grown, not huge amounts but still its larger than it was 3 months ago, the problem is, it’s deep, deep within her brain so it can not be removed. 😢Not only that though but they discover on her scan that a large part of her brain has died and that they believe she has had a stroke.
If you know my mum, you’ll know that is her worst fear, I think it’s most people’s. Mum though is very high risk as her heart no longer pumps on its own and it’s her pacemaker that is keeping her alive, meaning she does not get enough oxygen to her brain. She alway has such high blood pressure that the machines just can not read it.
We as a family have been down this road so many times it’s just seems the norm. With loosing my dear sister to a heart-attack to Marley-Kate having major heart problems and my mum being a ticking time bomb, it’s just become part of everyday life but we have already lived through the heartbreak of loosing Jane and know the danger first hand of what mum and Marly-Kate face everyday.
It’s just sucks and there is nothing we can do but smile and try our up most to get on with life.

The past few weeks, we’ve spent a lot of time just chilling in each others company, not much has been said, just trying to take in the information and being there together through the stress and realisation of how life has to change, how life could change. We’ve sat and snuggled, held hands and just been there, no words were needed, that’s why this weeks flashback is so fitting even though I wrote it a few years ago and it held a total different meaning and was about the love of my life, it really does make sense and fits with the last few weeks of life here.
So without further ado I will wish you a happy long sun filled weekend and I’ll give you this weeks flashback Friday……..
take care my lovelies.

The power of touch, something so special that the world can see but only your can feel. I have never seen the importance of touch and the meaning behind it until about a year ago, when my views were changed and I began to understand how wonderful and powerful a small touch really is.
A small token of a squeeze of the hand when you need support. A stroke of the skin, to know you are wanted. A hug to give either love or support.
In the last few days, I have learn more so, how important these little gestures are. The most important one being the holding of hands, so much can be learnt from this alone.
When a hand is in hand, two bodies become one, you bond on a level, that only the two of you can feel.
You gain acceptance and truth, mixed with hope and love. You are suddenly not alone in the strange universe, you have meaning for existing.
And while I do not know where I am going with this blog or its point or purpose, I know deep within my heart, the words and meaning I am trying to say, and as they get lost before I can find a way to express the feeling that run through my soul and I have no way to explain, what I’m desperately trying to get across, I know right now I’m lost and alone, but I have full understanding that when his hand is in mine that life becomes beautiful all over again, that when he touches my skin, I become alive. When our lips meet, I’m no longer alone.
No words are needed when our two souls exchange the simplest touch. Words lose their meaning and I can feel the gift he is giving me, from one movement alone. I know he loves me. ❤️
So maybe the meaning to this blog, is, to try to say….. Don’t always use words, speak loader than that, for words are just words, it’s what lies in the heart that matters, it’s the touch, the soul and the eyes that will speak volumes on levels that can never be expressed in words.
Hold the one you love, speak though bodies not through words imbedded in you head since birth. There is more to life than speech.
The song posted below even though cheesy, sums it up perfectly.

Have a good day guys, and if you love someone show them.

Flashback Friday

Another week is over, and Easter long weekend is here. 🐣
I’m sure we are all buzzing that for most of us work is over and out, for the next few days. Time to spend much-needed time with family and friends, swooping chocolate eggs and Easter greetings.
For me every special holidays remind me of past ones and it saddens my heart at what I have lost and loved over the years. Even though my memories are wonderful and treasured, they hurt me intensely.
With that said it really does brings me joy, watching Marley-Kate’s face alight at egg hunts, picnics and of cause all the chocolate eggs she can dream of.
A smile firmly on our faces and we shout out, colder/hotter as her excitement grows as she looks behind, under, on top, below what ever comes across her path as the children dash to discover how many eggs they can find. The delight in the knowledge that I know she will not be greedy and she’ll share out her finds.
It’s the perfect way to end a pretty good week.
As per the norm, it’s been crazy busy this week.
After an amazing weekend, last week, I’ve been in good spirits and I’ve been determined to keep my mood high. We’ve visited friends and family, we’ve laughed and we’ve cried and slugged our guts out digging, trying our up most to do what we call blue jobs in our garden.
The sun has tried its hardest to warm our aching bones as we’ve sang silly songs while working. Even though we’ve struggled to do everything we wanted to achieve, we both hold pride that we’ve tried, even if we didn’t fully succeed, lol. 😂
All in all it’s been a pretty special, smile filled week.

So as we sit down with coffee, hot chocolate, hot cross buns oozing with butter it’s time to reminisce with good old flash back Friday.

I know exactly what post I would like to share with you today after yesterday’s blog post.
So without further ado I’ll wish you all a wonderful Easter and I give you……

What is love. ❤️

What is love ?
Is it just a feeling that can not be put into words ?
Is it sexual attachment ?

For me it’s butterflies in my tummy, it’s feeling that when you with the other person, you feel complete, it’s wanting to spend every minute if possible with them. It’s feeling that you belong. It’s loosing yourself in their eyes, it’s floating on ecstasy, it’s wanting to please the other, it’s putting them before yourself, wanting their happiness above everything else.
It getting lost in each others company and missing hours just because you feel at home and content in each others company.
It’s belonging.
It’s a force of nature, pulling two souls together, them lighting up your world with a single word or smile.
Love is understanding and expecting each others faults.
It’s chemistry, trust, lust and respect rolled into one.
Love is an emotional bond, that you have no control over.
It’s the greatest feeling in the world but also the hardest.
It’s friendship with passion.
It’s two lost souls coming together to make one.

Flashback Friday

It’s Friday, and the start of Easter holidays 🐣, whoop, whoop to that. Happy dance.
It’s been manic here this week and today is just the same, roll on bedtime and freedom.
Freedom to dream, explore, hope, sing, dance like no one is watching or even just chill.
How I love the weekends.
Maybe I will even find time to do a decent blog post, here’s hoping 🤞.
But for now I have to run and get my day over with, in the meantime I will leave you with this weeks flashback.
Enjoy, stay safe,stay positive and stay true.
Have a good one peeps.
Until next time, toodaloo.

 

imageWe close our eyes when we day-dream….
when we cry….
when we kiss,
because we know the most amazing things in life are not seen but felt by heart.
So smile and have a great day.

Flashback Friday

So it’s been one of those weeks were every Tom, Dick and Harry want a piece of me and I just so exhausted I can’t say no.
I feel like I’m neglecting my blog and still have a ton of emails to answer (sorry).
Right now I just want to climb into my princess and the pea bed (it’s so high I nearly have to climb into it, hence the name Marly-Kate came up with) and sleep the year away.
I’m having so much trouble getting out of bed in the morning, it’s so warm and comfy, I could just stay hidden under the blankets for a life time.
Thank goodness it’s Friday, no alarms tomorrow, that’s such a simple joy.
So my weeks been totally manic and as I said I feel like I’m neglecting this space and I hate that. So I thought I would re share my first blog post.
I remember every second of writing it, every feeling, every emotion, every reasoning.
This blog means everything to me, it really does.
So here goes, my first ever blog post, yeah I know it’s cheesy but who doesn’t like a bit of cheese every now and again.
Have a good weekend, stay safe, stay strong, but most of all relax. 🤞

In the corner of my mind and deep with in my soul, I live in a beautiful world filled with love, sweetness and butterflies.
Everything is wonderfully light and magical.
I think they call this LOVE.
And I find this is true for I, this small town girl, am in love with my knight, my hero, my soul re connected.
The feeling sends me floating in the breeze to where I feel tenderness, warmth and passion.
No single word including love will ever take on the meaning of the feelings that this small town boy has given me.
As we float and our life’s unfold together into new beginnings, of hope, love and fairytale endings, maybe your floating to and can share in our quest to find our happy ever after.
And while we live in heaven right now, it’s not always been this simple, we have fought many battles, slayed dragons, and battled many demons, but one thing is for sure the fight is worth while and as we dance on rainbows and take in the beauty of this feeling, my love grows ever so stronger and I am winning the battle.

Flashback Friday

Not much to report this week, I’ve spent most of it feeling a tad under the weather, so I’ve sat and started the massive task of making new cushions for my mum.

I have though been talking to a few of my people about their unhappy marriages. 👰🏻🤵🏻💍
It’s such a shame that people just give up on relationships when a little hard work, conversation and a listening ear could save thousands legal fees. 💰
If you love someone fight for them, if they are your world, give them your world. Life is far from easy, love is even harder but it’s also worth giving your all for.
We all give up before we have even tried, that truly saddens my soul.
Saying that, the flashback for today’s Friday, tells a different story, one where love just doesn’t come into it.
A violent marriage shouldn’t be fort for.
With that said, this is my story and I hope it may give someone the fighting chance to walk away.🐾
So without farther ado I give you this weeks Flashback Friday.
Stay strong, stay true and enjoy your weekend.😃

 

Stepping back in time to a new marriage and hope of a peaceful future. Boy wasn’t I wrong.
Can’t say I was overjoyed to be a Mrs, but it had got me out of home and what I thought was a better life.

Wedding bliss didn’t last long. My husband became a control freak and I went back to the dark ages.
His tea would have to be on the table when he got home, I would have to be waiting with coffee made, a news paper and slippers in my hand.
The bath running so as soon as he ate it was ready for him.
I got use to this and thought maybe this is the way it was in every household.
As the years went on Rob would control who I saw, who I spoke to, even told me how to dress.
Sadly I turned to a drink here and there to help control the ill feeling I was building up. I still played the good housewife, did what I was told and played by his rules.
I remember one day I got home late from work, and his tea was not ready. This is the first time I felt his hand. I was shocked, in pain and totally convinced it was my own doing.
I was in the wrong, I should have got home quicker

I forgave and thought he won’t do it again
But he had found a power over me, he loved the control.
The beatings got worse from then on.
I could see no way out and I was told by my step father that marriage was not something you walk away from. “You gave yourself to him the day you wed in the eyes of god.”
I stuck it out, I don’t know why, I hid the bruises well, so I thought.
I closed in on myself, shutting the world out.
I became scared of everything and felt like there was no way out.
But there always was, I could have left at any time, but he made me feel so weak that I truly didn’t believe I could walk away and hold myself together.
Finally one day, I found out my husband was having a relationship and that was my get out.
I packed my bags and ran

Since that day I have never looked back, I found myself again and I was strong enough to stand alone and face the world.

I now will never let anyone lay a finger on me and the first time they do, they will be my past.

Anyway the motto to my story is
No matter how weak someone can make you feel, how alone in the world and how useless you feel.
You are stronger than you think and you can walk away. You can be true to yourself and live without fear.

Don’t let any one every hurt you, make you feel worthless. And the first time your partner hits you, don’t tell yourself it’s a one-off because it is not. They will not change.
Get out before it destroys you.

Flashback Friday

What a Long, long week, Friday is so welcome.
So I’ve spent most of the week sat in a hospital bed wired up to infusion machines. I’m more than happy to be home.
I have to say a massive thank you to everyone that gave up their days and nights to look after Marly-Kate. She has had a blast and has been very spoilt. You are all so wonderful and I truly appreciate your help and love.

On Monday, mum, Her best friend and I decided to go on a little jolly to pick up paint, lavender plants and the price up the garden make over, by the time I got home, I was different shades of blues, purples, reds and black. Fever and cold sweats had taken hold and I knew that something was wrong but thought a cat nap would sort me out. Next thing I knew I woke up in hospital having iloprost infusions and that’s where I stayed until yesterday.
I can not tell you how glad I am to be home, there is nothing like sleeping in your own bed, starfishing. 😝
Something good came out of this long, long week, as I fall in love. ❤

I fall in love with music again.
Music has always been a massive part of my life, it’s helped me more than I can express. It lifts you, it helps you cry and so many lyrics have meanings to them, which has proven to much for me over the last few years.
It’s so hard listening to music when it just reminds you of what you once had, brings back the best of memories which gut punch you, even wiping every song from my pc, didn’t help until I was sat bored in that bed. YouTube once again became my friend and even though lyrics hit hard, and new meaning formed with the notes play, somehow it soothed my soul.
And this all came from one incredible artist, he truly has to be the best of the best and I’m so grateful that his pure talent, enlightened my soul.
I don’t know how many times I’ve heard his new album but with each listen it only became more outstanding and touched me deeper than music has for a long time now.
Thank you Ed Sheeran , you sir are pure genius.
If you haven’t listened to his new album “Divide”, you must do.
There is not much else I can say about my week apart from thank god it’s Friday.
And we all know what Fridays mean!
Flashback time
So without further ado I give you……

No place like home. 🏡

https://icemaidendiaries.net/2013/03/11/no-place-like-home/

They say, “There is no place like home.”
I find myself wondering where is home?
Home is meant to be the building you lay down your foundations and settle, that you look forward to returning to after a long hard day at work, your safe place,
it’s really like your bed, warm, comfy and you never want to leave 😉
I can truly say that I have not, as long as I can remember, felt that I have found the sense of homeliness or felt that I could call that building home.
I have lived in a few places but can I call this home?
Just because I lived there, did they ever give me the feeling of being completely at home.
To me, home should be the one place in this world where hearts are sure of each other. It is the place of confidence. It is the place where we tear off that mask of guarded and suspicious coldness which the world forces us to wear in self-defense, and where we pour out the unreserved communications of full and confiding hearts. It is the spot where expressions of tenderness gush out without any sensation of awkwardness and without any dread of ridicule.
Home should be like a delicious piece of chocolate cake you order in a restaurant on a country road, the best piece of cake you have ever eaten in your life, and can never find again.
If this is how you should feel when you arrive home, then why do I get this feeling when I’m not at my home?
Is it the building that gives you this feeling?
I find this not to be true.
For I believe that a building can not give you these feelings, but the people inside the four walls, in which they call their home.
Home to me, is the love, it’s the people, it’s the comfort, tranquility, kindness, warmth, tenderness and understanding all rolled into one that makes home what it is.
After pondering over this for a while now, I have drawn my conclusion and that is,
“Home is where the heart is.”
It not a building, a place, it’s LOVE.
It’s coming back to your partner or family, it’s just simply those four little letters, that mean the most in the world.
It’s simple really.
Love is all you need to feel at home.

Flashback Friday

img_4299I can’t believe it’s March already. The cozy evenings are not as cosy as they once were, spring has slowly been giving us a glimmer of hope as the snowdrops shimmer in the winter sun and all the spring flowers burst out of hibernation, planet earth has taken on a different kind of beauty.
The days are a little longer, not so much warmer but hope is in the air.
I personally love winter even though it’s not always my friend. I just love to watch as fire flames dance freely as we snuggle under blankets and watch cheesy movies. Or sit in our pj’s, dressing gowns, and fluffy bedsocks, wrapped tightly in blankets, Marly-Kate sipping her morning hot chocolate, as I warm my blue hands on my coffee cup, we watch the frost twinkle while the sky alights in flames of red and orange as the sun awakens, making everything so much more beautiful. I truly will miss those cold, crisp, dry mornings, there really is something so magical about them.
As I sit with my coffee and hear spring bursting to life, birds chirping softly, the occasional sheep baaaing, the trees rustling, fallen leaves taking flight as the wind sores across the fields, I reflect back on my week and take stock of the journey that’s we have been tiptoeing along.
It’s not been the most exciting of weeks, I’ve felt sorrow and joy as we’ve remembered my gorgeous sister, I still can’t believe she’s not here, but sadly in the arms of angels. She was always to good for this world, still I want her here.
We have lost so many and most days that pain is too much to bare so I bury those sorrows deep within me in hopes to get through the days not in a river of tears. I just hope they are all happy, their spirits free.
I guess that’s all we can hope for, for the ones taken to soon.

So Friday is upon us and that time has come once more, to remember old pages, emotions and more.

Before I share this weeks flashback with you, I would like to say thank you for your messages and I promise to reply as soon as I can, I have a busy day ahead starting with the school run which I should be getting organised for instead of finishing the last dregs of coffee while I type away at this post on my pad. (We are going to be so late. 😱)
I best get my skates on. Have a wonderful weekend, stay true, happy and healthy but most of all, enjoy.
See ya 👋

You did good.

https://icemaidendiaries.net/2016/03/02/you-did-good/

I have never been a great lover of the Internet, I never uploaded photos, I for sure wouldn’t use internet banking. And forums were a huge no, no.
 I must admit that I still don’t trust it fully, after hearing stories of hacking and a nifty gadget called a Pineapple. (Now that’s an awesome piece of kit)
Over the last few years, I have had to put my hang ups on the back burner and go against my views on using the Internet for living. 
Life throw me a hand that made me have to change. 
I live in a sleepy hamlet, in which only has a corner shop, a phone box and a green for the children to play, the nearest city is at least 8 miles away, it’s busy, loud and very pretty. The cathedral is a sight to be seen, a true masterpiece, beauty is in full force here and I now understand why it use to be talked about with such fondness.
 In the other direction is a cute little town which is also a picture but as most towns are now it’s full of charity shops, hairdressers, nail bars and estate agents, the biggest named shop I guess would have to be New Look. Shops are over priced but for that extra money you get the normal, everyone knows everyone and their business.
Due to the 10 minute drive or train ride to get to anywhere to carry out the everyday shop, I now shop online, something that I haven’t done before. Ok it’s not a match on the real thing, you kinda stick to the same old same old, just because it’s easy and a time saver.
I shop on-line for most things these days, from my addiction to yarn/wool, to clothes for Marly-Kate, food, home goods, eBay is my best friend, and Amazon is creeping up fast. Wool warehouse is just put on this earth to toy with me and I have to ban myself daily from spending money on there. Yes yes I’m a self-confessed yarn addict. What the hell am I going to do with all that I already have, it’s no way possible to use what I have in 2/3 years, I really don’t need any more.
 I totally blame Pinterest for that one.
I have found that forums have become my best time waster, but boy I’m so grateful to them.
The help, advice, and general care that people give has been overwhelming.
 It’s nice to know that if you have a question, there are people out there who are willing to give up their time to help, to listen and to give their own views, thoughts, guidance. That is really touching.
YouTube has always been a big part of my life, mainly for music, I’m a sucker for lyrics, and uplifting tunes, yes, they can change your day around.
 Music is the best ever soul enlightener.
 Internet banking… Hmmmm, that’s a hard one, I have to use it, I couldn’t cope without it, but I do NOT trust it.
But it has to be done.
Websites and Blogs, now this is what I love about having the world at your fingertips. Blogs are the most amazing thing, the knowledge, the ideas, the tutorials, the passion, love and respect, people give up their time to share their wisdom with you. It’s amazing.
We truly have the world’s knowledge in our hands. That’s pretty damn impressive. 
I follow a lot I mean a lot of blogs, I spend hours at the hospital just reading and learning from these. In turn opening up my mind to a whole new world, a world full of knowledge, skill and determination. It really is incredible.
 It blows me away and when I sit and think about the souls who slug their guts out to give us all the power to sit and read the words of wisdom that appear on our screens, I have so much gratitude for them.
 If only we all knew what goes in to every page you open.
 The hours and hours of coding, it’s more than incredible so I thank you, each and every one of you that plays a part of this magical Internet.
No they are not geeks, they are highly intelligent people, truly they are. I take my hat off to them.
So thank you from this small town girl to all you coders, designers and serenity Guinness’s.
You did good kid.
Well done all.

Flashback Friday

img_4282Friday is like a superhero that always arrives just in time to stop us from savagely beating one of our coworkers with a keyboard.
So lower that keyboard and take a deep breath of freedom, it’s Friday.
Happy, happy, happy dance. 💃🏼

Sadly it means the end of half term but thank goodness for weekends.

My week has been so laid back and chilled, it’s been nice, lots of time with my little ray of sunshine, snuggle’s on the sofa, pizza 🍕, movies 🎥 and throw in a good old Thai takeaway. Best of all, seeing the freedom that always comes with a trip to mum and dads.
I just love watching Marley-Kate run free, climb trees and help her grandad with the farm. She loves to get covered in mud and jumping in the biggest dirtiest puddles that she can find, standing as still as she can in the bubbling brook and try her hardest to catch the tiny fish or to play poo sticks.
It’s the simple things that she loves and it’s a joy to watch.
The sun even came out, so we picnicked in the sheep fields and took in the beauty of life, freedom and the warmth of the winter sun. ☀️
There really is something so magical about moments like those, I can’t explain it, there simply are no words.

After the hectic week before, it was perfect timing to get away from it all.

I did forget to tell you about my week last week and my trip to see Billie Elliot which was a gift from a friend. We went on his birthday and even though the meal before hand was a total disaster, you can’t even call it a meal because it never arrived and we had to dash to the theatre so we wouldn’t miss the show.
I was totally blown away by the show, it was amazing, those children just blow us away, their talent was incredible, seriously fantastic. Those 11-year-old in all their glory, lit up the whole stage and deserved so much more than the standing ovation which roared through the theatre. 🎭
In honesty I wasn’t that keen on going, but boy wasn’t I wrong, and a little shocked as the bad language coming out those children’s mouths was a surprise but somehow it just seemed to fit and make the performance even better.

All in all life has been pretty good of late and as the sun breaks through a little more each days, people’s moods seem to lighten and smiles, laughter and happiness breakthrough .
Spring is on the way, summer will soon follow.
So it’s come that time to look back, and remember past posts, it’s Friday after all.
This time two years ago, I was living the dream, I was in the most amazing place on earth, with great friends and I was free, totally and utterly free and I can’t wait to go back there.
Iceland is amazing, mind-blowing and damn right bloody freezing but that really doesn’t matter because somehow your heart, your love for life, warms your core and no matter how cold you are, that your can’t feel your finger, nose and toes, you just stand in awe of the beauty.

The post I’m sharing with you, was written just after my return and it just makes me smile reading it back.

So before I share it with you, I just want to say have an awesome weekend, what ever you have planned, stay safe and stay happy.

img_4283

A beautiful chapture 😃 How my life has changed.

https://icemaidendiaries.net/2015/03/04/a-beautiful-chapture-%F0%9F%98-how-my-life-has-changed/

Life really is a roller coasters at the moment, after one of the most fantastic weeks of my life last week, to a family wedding, to final stages of packing up my life to move miles away from everyone, to the devastating news from consultants, life has thrown a hell of a lot of emotions, hard decisions, extreme highs and lows at me.
I felt that I have turned a corner, I have been loving life, I’ve smiled and laughed and found that happiness can really exist even with a ticking time bomb over my head and a shattered beyond shattered heart.
Life is no way the same and I’m sure as sure that I am not the same person I was even a few weeks ago.
Something just changed over night and I wanted to feel happiness again.
How I felt that happiness doesn’t really matter, it doesn’t matter that I went against my constants orders so I could finally feel some other emotion apart from emotional pain.
I know I will have to live with the fall out of that as my condition gets worse by the day but boy it was worth it, ever second of every day/night was so worth it.
The feeling of freedom, hope, joy, laughter, smiles, excitement was worth a life time of physical pain.
Not much can match those few days of total joy.
Life was truly a gift, a gift so bright that the world was perfect, so perfect for those few days.
Even though there were moments when my heart wanted to take it away from me and show me that it couldn’t be perfect because it was missing one certain person.
I wasn’t going to let him take this dream, advantage away from me.
I wanted to feel all those different emotions flow through me, ones that I haven’t felt for so long.
Even though my heart wept for the what if, I couldn’t and wouldn’t allow it to win this time.
Life was pretty damn fantastic.
Mind blowing is an understatement.
I felt free totally free and that feeling alone was worth it.
Tune in soon to hear about my advantages.
Trust me you will be rushing to buy a ticket.
Stay safe and happy and smile your biggest smile because life is a gift, and it can be bloody fantastic at times.