Love wins

People mess up, mistakes, huge earth shattering mistakes happen, anger burns deep within our souls and deeper within our hearts. 

Darkness surrounds the once shining light of happiness as the soul bleeds out tears of despair. 

But within the suffocation, love holds strong, fighting, willing and longing to be the strongest emotion. 

Pushing up, lighting the darkness, forgiving the unforgivable.

Love wins.

Friday’s flashback

This weeks flashback Friday is a little different from normal. This time I’m going to share a little part of an entry from a journal I was writing for Ross.
Every day, I wrote to him, a little of my day, my feelings and just anything that seemed important at that time.
We were separated by miles of ocean and I felt that writing a little piece of my life, my heart and soul to him each day somehow included him, somehow made him feel as part of him was with me. He was my life and soul and this gift of a journal was a little way of giving him part of me, giving him my thoughts, feelings and love that he consumed in every single possible way.
So today I’m going to share part of an entry that I wrote.
You can if you fancy read more of these in my post called snippets.
This one is incredibly special to me, sadly though I never got to share it with him, which makes my heart ache and I can feel the cracks opening that little bit wider, deeper.
So without getting to deep into emotions, that I can’t put into words right now, I give you this weeks flashback.

❤️❤️❤️

I found this today and just instantly knew that it is so perfect for the day that we will be saying I do to each other, the day that I become your wife and you become my husband, the day that in the eyes of the law, we become one but more importantly we declare to the world how much we love, adore and treasure each other, the day that we start our adventure as husband and wife, a step closer to growing old together. The day we get to serve pizza to all our family and friends 😋.

❤️“They’re about to say I do. Three little letters, two little words. It’s the simplest part of the day, but there’s nothing simple about the things that will remain unsaid. I do means I do know I could be hurt, but I’m ready to be healed with you. It means I do want to try even when the fear of failure holds me back, and I do not know the future, but I’m ready to be surprised along the way. And I do means I do want your love and I do give you mine and nothing we do will ever be the same because you and I will be doing it all together.” ❤️

 

How could it be?

I’ve spent some much-needed time with my truly delightful friend Sammy.
She’s wonderful and makes me laugh constantly, we always have giggle fits and once we start we can’t stop.
It’s just what that doctors ordered.
She can though be very out spoken and say things just how she sees them, it’s not a bad thing but it does make it very hard to be the closed book I have become with all my friends. I adore her for it.
She won’t give up on trying to get me to open up.
It’s constantly……..

“When will you be ready to date?”
“Why are you not angry?”
“Do you think you can love again?”

She’s always trying so hard to fix me up with a friend, an awesome friend of ours.
I know it’s because she cares, that she wants only the best for me, she wants me to be as happy and in love as much as she is.
Now her and her amazing husband have been together for like ever, they have a beautiful family and an even more beautiful relationship/marriage.
I don’t know of any other couples who look at each other the way they do, (well I did, we were like that, the love shown from us.)
It truly warms the soul how connected, how loved, and how humble, Sammy and her husband are, it’s a beautiful thing, a truly beautiful thing.
But boy, she doesn’t give up, wanting that for me. It’s sweet, it really is.

The thing is, how can I ever date again?
My heart, soul and body belong to someone else. That love, those feelings haven’t faded with time and I really can’t see them doing so.
Ok I’m angry, but more than anything I’m hurt, but I gave my heart to him and that means everything in my book.
It means you don’t give up at the hardest hurdle.
It’s not that I want to love him, trust me I really don’t but I can’t hate him either, I’ve tried, I’ve seriously tried to. Yes I have moments when I let the anger get to me but the love I hold so deep within my shattered heart wins over ever time.😡
And that’s why, I can never love again, because I’m already head over heels in love. ❤️
It wouldn’t be fair to, how could it be?