imageWhen the days are harder than I let on to everyone, I have to pull strength from happy times, wonderful times, the most incredible time of my life so far.

When I can’t find the light I look back through my journals I have written to Ross.
I find my strength and peace in those times, those memories, those feelings.

Snippets of love, joy, contentment and hope.
These words written with love, give me something to grasp hold of.

So if you are having a bad day, and need some strength, maybe they will help you out of the darkness.
(I will add more as I come across them)

“It’s like a door opened, the world shifted and there is no way of going back to how things were before it opened.”

“That smile always just makes all my worries fade away.”

“Drowning in your sea of blue. Your soul pulls me in, happily drowning in love”

“That feeling, that spark, has to be worth it, right ?”

“I will never forget how your lush curly hair bounces off your forehead when you’ve eaten too much sugar and can’t hold still, just one little thing I love about you x”

“Every last caress and feeling you so innocently laid upon my skin carved it’s way into my soul as the earth makes a groove in a stone.”

Ross = Ross
Status ❤️

“No matter what, I don’t want us to stop being us ❤️”

I heard today, that you will only be content in life if you marry your best friend.
How flipping lucky am I because I’m head over heals in love with YOU and Ross your my one and only best friend.

They say you have to judge a man by the way they handle the Christmas lights.
That’s how I know you are perfect because you would handle them with care and respect, if you know what I mean.
Your carefully pack them away each year, making sure they are perfect for the next year. No tangled lights to puzzle out. Each bulb checked and working. They will be just perfect because every detail you put into everything, always is. Just like you are.

After all the mistakes I’ve made, I finally got it right.

Fate worked its magic and let the rat race slow down enough to fit all the pieces together, US ❤️

The perfect moment isn’t just one, it’s every second of being with the one you love.
It’s being in love.
I’m head over heels in LOVE with YOU.

When you hold me, I know that nothing can ever be bad again because I’ve got you.

When I’m worried about something or just don’t know what to do, I listen to my heart, I listen to
Ross Marks you are my heart ❤️

Every time you tell me you love me, I get my happy ever after.

We should never let a situation slip through our fingers when love can put it right.

You give me the courage to feel.
You give me the courage to love
You give me the courage to live.
You give me the courage to hope.
You give me the world.
You give me you.
I give you the courage to feel.
I give you the courage to love.
I give you the courage to live.
I give you the courage to hope.
I give you the world.
I give you me.

There is only one guarantee in life.
That I will always love you.

It’s all our little moments that gets me through being away from you.

When we are laying together snuggled as closely and snug as if nature had formed us together it’s like we are in our prefect happy ever after.
That’s what we are a fairytale come true.

Our memories are wonderful moments that become a form of energy that make us know it’s forever love.

When we first kissed I breathed in life for the first time.

The way I see it, there ain’t no bigger and more powerful force in the whole universe than LOVE itself.

Love makes the world go round. It’s the glue that hold everything together.

The moment I first felt the true me, 100% complete.
The days I first saw you walking towards me.

It starting to feel like I can not breathe without you in my arms.

We are not perfect
You know I’m not the brightest button in the box
And your a night owl (that’s not a fault at all)
But we love each other and that’s all that matters.
Two souls that fall into each other’s life’s, contacting on level, that no one could ever understand.
Who fall not just deeply in love but became best friends to.
To me that makes us perfect together.

Your always there, you never judge me, pity me, never get angry, always listen you make me smile, and ALWAYS give me butterflies. Thank you baby, thank you, thank you. I love you xxxxooooxxxx

When you hold me, your heartbeat is the most beautiful, amazing soundtrack to love.
If we could stay in each others arms forever, there would be no need for music.

I believe in fairytales, I do, I do.
You’re my happy ever after ❤️

This Love stuff is complicated but if it was simple it wouldn’t show us that it’s worth fighting for.

That first journey back after the first time I was with you was the hardest and saddest time of my life, leaving you was incredibly painful but also the happiest.
Wow I had met my soul mate and you were more, so much more than I could could have ever imagined.
Wow just wow. ❤️

Everything seems easy when I look at you and see my universe smiling back at me. 🌍

I meet the most amazing guy in the world.
My heart skips a beat at the sight of him
The first kiss hello though it was short and sweet took my breath away. I know that instant that this was more than anything I had ever felt before.
The next few hours were incredible
Learning each other, touching, loving, loosing myself in you.
My life was suddenly complete. The most wonderful feeling I have ever experienced.
My life suddenly had new meaning, I felt whole for the first time in 29 years.
The over powering feeling of live surrounded me and lifted me to a new level.
Knowing I was being loved back by the most amazing person I have ever met.
The look in your eyes, the smell of your skin, the feel of your hair between my finger, all a dream come true.
As you held my hands as we showed each other how deep our love runs.
That moment was the most perfect moment of my life.
Heart racing, more in love then I have ever felt before
You my darlin are the bees knees and I love love love you.
No one will ever compare to you.
I truly believe we are a match made in heaven, that our souls belong together.

I love you
Even if there isn’t any sun,
Any moon, any moon, any air
Or any life.

When we first got in contact with each other I never knew it would end like this
Me being so in love I feel like I don’t exist anymore
All I care about is you
I never knew I would find the best friend I could ask for
That my life meaning would change the way it has.
The laughs, the caring, the loving, the naughtiness,
It’s all been a dream
And through your love I have grown and opened up to the most amazing person I’ve ever met.
You have helped me more than you know to get through the hardest scariest times in my love and I will always be grateful for that.
My world, my attitude, my views have changed for the better thanks to you
Now I am deeply in love and love that I am.
I have given you my heart and soul.
I will forever love you.
Thank you for being you ❤️

I know we have our little disagreements, or simply argue for no reason but I wouldn’t change US for the world.
Because I knew the moment that I spoke to you, that we are as perfect as chocolate chips and ice cream.🍦
I felt the nervous butterflies dancing in my tummy as I found the words that meant the most, the tiny words, I Love You. ❤️

When I first saw you, even the air and ocean fall in love, because my love for you has no limits ❤️

For the first time ever I can feel the blood pumping through my veins.
I’ve learnt that touch is more intense than I could ever imagine.
I know how that your heart still can miss a thousand beats and it really is incredible.
You have shown me what being alive really means.
You are the fire in my soul.
You are the reason for me living.

Funny how life twists and turns.
Living through the highs and lows can be exhausting at times, but I have now learnt that the highs are so worth the lows and when excitement and joy take over your day, everything is beautiful, full of colour and wonder and that light at the end of the tunnel is in my hands glowing brightly.
I don’t know what to call this feeling but I know why and who has given my this incredible happiness.
Why I see life as a gift instead of a battle.
It all started with a new friendship that grow into something so special no other can compare. That friendship then fall into love, a over powering love that takes over my world and gives me the energy to flight any darkness that try’s to destroy my light everyday.
With this love, I have learnt to see the goodness and the light that surrounds me.
Life now is worth living, it’s a blessing and an adventure that I wish to share with my soul mate, the guy who changed my life for the better – YOU ❤️
Who gave me strength and hope. You gave me life and I’m finally living.

Tonight was so hard, so so so so so freaking hard. I’m so heartbroken and I just don’t know what to do with myself.
I had to stand there while you got on the train to go home while I got on a different train and we watched each other leave, I was crying so hard as I do every time we say our goodbyes at the station.
In the journey back I couldn’t think straight, it feels like I’ve lost part of my mind, like part of me is missing, and I’ve been searching for something to remind me that it wasn’t all a dream. I have no idea what to do from here. I need my Ross back by my side.
I’m hurting so deeply, its not just missing being able to see you and touch you and talk to you, I miss being able to turn to you and just knowing you are at most a few meters away from me. This is so hard. I had no idea how hard this was going to be every time we have to say goodbye.
My heart is so twisted right now, I feel like all my insides have been tied up in knots and my bones have been replaced with paper, I feel so weak without you.
I’ve never needed someone so much in all my life, but now I’ve felt what its like to be loved and be part of something other than myself I feel so helpless.
I’ve never been loved so unconditionally like you love me, you are the most amazing person on this earth, ever to have lived, you are my world, you are my life and you are everything to me, without you I’m not even just a mess, I’m a purposeless mess.
This is so freaking hard. I need you, I love you, I miss you.
I love love love you.

Sometimes it feels so surreal that you are actually right here. Like, right next to me. You are on the bed and I can look up right now and see you. I can walk three feet to you. You are so close and so real. I just like to stare at you sometimes like when you’re walking, talking, laughing, sleeping, every moment of everyday and just appreciate your non-digital format. It’s like every dream has come true and life is perfect, totally utterly perfect ❤️

It’s amazing how someone can be hundreds of miles away from you, and the mere thought of them still puts a smile on your face! True Love sets no boundaries.

You are my hero. You have given me a new lease on life – this time last year I would never have had had the courage to do half the things I can do now. You are more than I could have ever dreamed of. With you, it feels as though anything is possible.

I miss your warm hugs, your sweet smile, I miss the feeling I get when you hold my hand, I miss the way you look into my eyes and tell me without a word, that you love me, I miss waking up and you being the first person I see and watching you sleep…I guess what I’m trying to say is…I miss you 😢 but only one more day baby and our hearts can melt again 💙

Two people meant to be together, Two lovers dreaming of forever, And it just keeps on getting better, With every tender little pm.

In your arms I see strength, in your smile I see love, in your eyes I see tomorrow, and all our tomorrows for the rest of our lives. You are my one & only.

The voice of a god, I’m walking in heaven.😇

If I ever told you that you were a “one in a million”, I lied…you are a “once in a lifetime” 😍

I never asked for someone who could offer me the stars in the night. Just someone to lay down and watch them with is enough. But I have been given the earth, the moon the whole sky. You are my world and I love you 💗

Ross Marks – A person with whom I have an immediate connection the moment we meet – a connection so strong that you are drawn to them in a way you have never experienced. I LOVE YOU baby.

Life is for living, I live mine for you. Love is for giving, I give mine to you. Hearts are for beating, mine beats for you. Dreams are full of meaning, mine are of you. You are my eyes, I see to see you, you are my ears, I hear to hear you. You are my touch, I touch to touch you.
I love you Ross ❤️

If you look deep in side you will find, the truth. The only Truth, I LOVE YOU. I need you, I want you and no matter what, I will always LOVE YOU. I dont care where we live, where we shop, if its near the sea or wood. I dont care as long as we are together. I LOVE YOU, look deep deep inside and you will see it.💗

Nothing in this world can take the place of you. I have loved you from the beginning and I will love you till the end!😍

I will love you with every dawn and I will love you with every dusk. I love you because, my heart feels safe within your hands, within you arms, within your voice, within your smile. I love you and I will love only you

Sometimes, I can almost feel You with me. I wake to find myself sleepily saying good morning to you on my empty pillow. When I’m walking, I leave an Ross-sized space next to me on the pavement, and sometimes I swear I can feel your hand in mine.

If its amazing it won’t be easy, If its easy it won’t be amazing… We sure are amazing together ❤️

The sun rose and set today – like every other day but no one knows my world has stopped. It will move only when we are together again.
Good night Ross, you’re in my heart, soul and thoughts always. Sleep peacefully. Feel my kisses in the breeze and my whispers of my love for you. Sweet dreams. I love you xxxxxooooooxxxxx

Don’t use your duvet, please just think about my love and it will warm you. Don’t use a pillow, please just think about my hands holding your head. Good night baby, I love you xxxxxoooooxxxxx

What is love? In math, a problem. In history, a battle. In science, it’s a reaction. In art, it’s a heart. But to me? Love always will and simply be, you.❤️

I miss our play fights, our teasing, our hugs, our hour long conversations, you know I guess I just miss you, I miss us

Don’t count the miles, count the I Love Yous ❤️

I love you baby, thank you for giving me a reason to smile, to get up in the morning, to breath. You are my everything baby. If only I could express my feelings for you, show you that your all I want and how much I love you.
You really are my reason to live and I love you with everything I am. I want to grow old with you and wake up with you every morning.

Promise you’ll hold me, touch me, love me…way past forever.💗

When I first ever told you “I love you” I meant it with all my heart.
When I tell you “I will love you forever” I mean it with every beat of my heart and still love you more everyday.
There’s no one else for me.
Nothing or anyone else could ever make me change my mind about you. I love you and I always will. Forever and always.
“Good night and sweet dreams Ross I love you” xxxxoooooxxx

LOVE is knowing you are going to spend everyday of every month of every year with the same person, and thinking…this is EXACTLY how it should be.

Being in love with the man that treats you like a priceless, knows when something is wrong, and loves you for who you are.
Totally the best feeling in the world, Thank you baby xxx I love you to the moon and back. ❤️

You wrote this to me today and WOW just WOW you summed up how I feel for you perfectly.
“when being without your partner hurts, when minutes apart feels like hours, when you are together time goes far to quick, when you would rather have them screaming in your face than not hearing from them at all. when they tell you they love you and you know they mean it, when it makes your body warm and you feel safe. you will know when you are in love.” ❤️❤️❤️

Your the man that I laugh with, to the man I share my joys and fears with, to the man that makes me weak at the knees, to the man of my dreams and the LOVE of my life. My Gorgeous other half.

Do you know what’s really heart warmingly special and makes me weak at the knees … You look at me, really look at me, deep within my soul. I like that, I love you.

Your eyes are engraved in my heart. Your name is etched on my heart forever. Your love you give is deeply embedded in my soul forever.
I breathe for you. I live for you. You are my only smile in this world where I don’t feel so lonely and lost. You are the one with whom I want to spend the rest of my life. I love you with all my heart and soul.
I wish I was there to hold you tight, instead of just sending you this loving “Good Night.” Sweet dreams and remember if you may that I love love love you xxxxxxoooooxxxxxxx

To lay next to you while you sleep, is one of the most wonderful experience I’ve ever experienced.
Laying next to you, my heart skips a trillion beats, as you reach for my hand.
With each breath you draw, and the rise and fall of your chest, we breathe in the same air, pulling us that little bit closer together. I’m lost in dream, a dream that came true.
I lay with my hand intwined with my other half of my soul and I feel whole.
Your a dream that came true, the most delightful magical dream and I love, love, love you.

I Love You – these three words have my life in them. ❤️

I never asked for someone who could offer me the stars in the night. Just someone to lay down and watch them with is enough. But I have been given the earth, the moon the whole sky. You are my world and I love you.✨

They say that, life is for living, I live mine for you.
They say that, Love is for giving, I give mine only to you.
They say that, hearts are for beating, mine beats only for you.
They say that, dreams are full of meaning, mine are only of you. ❤

We were given 2 hands to hold, 2 legs to walk, 2 eyes to see, 2 ears to listen, but why only 1 heart?
Because the other was given to someone else for us to find. We are the lucky ones, we found each other’s and now we are complete. ❤️


I can’t wait to the time that we have both told each other everything, every memory, every special memories and even the not so special memories in life so far. And all we have left to to sit in our arm chairs by the fire as we reminisce all our own special memories, our own extra special moments and as we do so we will be making even more wonderful, heartfelt memories, those moments that we cherish together forever.

I meet the most amazing guy in the world, yes that’s you.
My heart skips a beat at the sight of you
The first kiss hello though it was short and sweet took my breath away. I know that instant that this was more than anything I had ever felt before.
The next few hours were incredible
Learning each other, touching, loving, loosing myself in you.
My life was suddenly complete. The most wonderful feeling I have ever experienced.
My life suddenly had new meaning, I felt whole for the first time in my 29 years.
The over powering feeling of love surrounded me and lifted me to a new level.
Knowing I was being loved back by the most amazing person I have ever met.
The look in your eyes, the smell of your skin, the feel of your hair between my fingers, all a dream come true.
As you held my hands as you loved me how I have never been loved before.
That moment was the most perfect moment of my life.
Heart racing, more in love then I have ever felt before, true unbreakable love.
You my darlin are the bees knees and I love, love, love you.
No one will ever compare to you.
I truly believe we are a match made in heaven, that our souls belong together, that we are the other half of each other’s soul.❤️

When we first got in contact with each other I never knew it would end like this, Me being so in love, I feel like I don’t exist anymore
All I care about is you.
I never knew I would find the best friend I could ask for.
That my life’s meaning would change the way it has.
Over the last year we have gone through so much but the good always out weighs the harder times.
The laughs, the caring, the loving, the naughtiness 😜
It’s all been a dream, a beautiful outstanding, wonderful dream.
And through your love I have grown and somehow you have managed to get me to open my heart, my hopes and my dreams, to the most amazing person I’ve ever met. You’ve let me see the love is real, it’s powerful and a truly beautiful feeling.
You have helped me more than you know and got me through some of the hardest, scariest times of my life and I will always be grateful for that.
My world, my attitude, my views have changed for the better, thanks to you
Now I am deeply in love and love that I am, I love that you love me just as much back.
I have given you my heart and soul.
I will forever love you.
Thank you for being you.

Wow, we are going to spend our life’s together ❤️❤️❤️

I found this today and just instantly knew that it is so very perfect for the day that we will be saying I do to each other, the day that I become your wife and you become my husband, the day that in the eyes of the law, we become one but more importantly we declare to the world how much we love, adore and treasure each other, the day that we start our adventure as husband and wife, a step closer to growing old together. The day we get to serve pizza to all our family and friends 😋.
❤️“They’re about to say I do. Three little letters, two little words. It’s the simplest part of the day, but there’s nothing simple about the things that will remain unsaid. I do means I do know I could be hurt, but I’m ready to be healed with you. It means I do want to try even when the fear of failure holds me back, and I do not know the future, but I’m ready to be surprised along the way. And I do means I do want your love and I do give you mine and nothing we do will ever be the same because you and I will be doing it all together.” ❤️

⭐️”I’m wishing upon stars for you, I think 99% are aeroplane but it only takes that one, I’m not stopping.”⭐️
When you write little things like this to me it melts my heart and I fall even more in love with you.❤️

Flashback Friday

It’s Friday and I’m more than thankful that this week is coming to an end.
I’ve had the mother of all headaches all week, well nearly two weeks now. 🤕
Even sitting with candle light, my eyes stream and ache like I’ve never experienced before. The pain has driven me to bed at my earliest convenience because darkness seems to be the only thing that could help, morphine just didn’t touch it.

It’s been a hard trying week with my baby girls op and my great-aunt being rushed to hospital which heartbreakingly has the worst outcome.
We now have to play the waiting game. Bless her though, she’s had good innings, she turned 91 this week. She’s had a full life, a kind heart and she spent her life with her childhood sweetheart. I’m sure she will pass a happy lady.
It’s just so heart wrenching for the rest of us.
Marly-Kate is proving that once again she is a fighter and doing so well after her surgery, she’s still smiling, laughing and enjoying all the attention she gets none stop. Bless her cotton socks, she sure is a trooper.
I’m so hoping that this will help her have a normal life and that she won’t have to have open heart surgery. Please keep your fingers crossed for her.
Work just hasn’t happened this week but while sitting at the hospital for hours on end. I did manage to complete an afghan that I have been working on and in all honesty I’m proud as punch at the finish project. I think I’m going to gift it to my great-aunt so she has a little comfort in her final days. 🎁


All in all, it’s been a hard week and rest for both Marly-Kate and I sounds like a good plan.
I’ve been missing a certain someone more than ever this week, wishing he could be here with me, letting me know all will be ok, like he use to.
God damn it, I should be over him by now, why aren’t I ? I guess it’s because true love doesn’t fade. It’s forever.

So anyway it’s Friday and that means one thing – it’s flashback time again (sorry I missed last week)
I’m not sure if I have flashed back the post I’m about to share but after the week Marly-Kate and I have had, it just seems fitting.
So here you have it.
Flashback Friday gives you………..

Marly-Kate ❤️

Having a child with health problems is heart crushing. All you want is for them to be as healthy as they can be, for their cheeks to glow and as they grow for them to run and play the same as the other children.
Sadly my baby girl will never have the joy of running freely, taking part in sports day or having a good nights sleep, you see my princess was born ten weeks early and this led to multiple health issues, the biggest being her heart.
Marly-Kate was born with a hole in her heart, failing heart veils, mixed apnea, which is a sleeping disorder, which has caused the most distressing times. She also has a condition called stridor.
So you see life for her is always a battle.
I’m guessing even one of these conditions alone is a challenge, poor Marly-Kate battles to breath with every intake of air into her lungs.
She truly is a trooper an adorable one at that.
Apnea can be fatal in a child. As her breathing stops, the oxygen levels in her blood fall and the levels of carbon dioxide increase. She could suffer a severe drop in heart rate, which is called bradycardia.
Children who have had more than one episode in which they stops breathing are more likely to have long-term complications or die unexpectedly.
So I’m sure you can imagine how stressful nights have been and still are.
Her heart would stop a good few times a night, as her mummy, it is terrifying to say the least.
Every time her alarms blasted out into the still of the night, I am never sure if that was it, would I be able to start her heart beating again, and on the real bad nights as I sat and held her in my arms as I watched her lips and fingers turn blue as she gasped for her breath.
Fear like I had never felt before was imbedded into me.
To watch your flesh and blood fighting with all her might to just receive her next breath knowing you can not do anything but hold her and pray she makes it through the night.
And every morning when she awakes I know that she has fought for all her worth to still be here and the smile she gives is a beautiful heart warming gift but you know that when nighttime falls and she kisses me goodnight and holds her hands out to the photo of Ross by her cot, saying the words I’m dying for him to hear and she kisses him good night as she has done for as long as I can remember now, dread runs through me at the struggle she will be fighting as the rest of the world sleeps and I pray that I will get to see her smile once again.


When life seems bearable and you are getting on ok, SLAM you get bad news.
For some reason my family seem to be getting a lot of this for the last few years. It’s been one thing after another
And once again it seems to be hammering at our door.
Two years ago my lovely mum was rushed to hospital and had a pacemaker fitted which went horribly wrong causing her to fight for her life and 7 cardio arrests later she somehow pulled through.
It was awful, truly awfully. 😢
Mum was at one side of the hospital and I was at the other end having treatment to save my hands, feet and life. Fighting a fight that I wasn’t sure I wanted to win.
After mum was released we asked 100s of questions as to why she had to have the pacemaker etc, etc……No answers were given and still 2 years later no answers have been given only constant pain, lack of energy, headaches that can not be expressed how horrendous they are. On top of that a new tumour on her brain. What has she done to deserve this I will never know.
Anyway she received a letter saying that she had, had a heart attack at some point and the bottom of her heart has failed. It doesn’t work at all causing havoc with her pacemaker.
They want to do more surgery, either a stint or a heart by-pass.
Mum is refusing to have it done, as she swore that she would never go back under the knife again. And even though I fully understand her reasoning, because she has every right to be scared after the last op went horribly wrong, I know that if she doesn’t have this done she won’t be here much longer and I can’t live without her.
She is my best friend and my savour at times.
Ok, ok she hasn’t always been peaches and cream, far from it while she was with my step dad but she was a prisoner to him and he controlled her. Since she has been back with the love of her life my blood father she has come into her own and she is pretty incredible truly she is and it kills me to think that I will lose her.
So my heart, what’s left of it is torn, I don’t know how I can make everything ok but I do know that I will support her and be at her side every step of the way.
I just wish though that life’s plan would be kind.

“It’s so much darker when a light goes out than it would have been if it had never shone.”

imageI have been putting off this blog post and still in two minds in even writing it.
I guess if I put it all down then I have to accept it.

This week has been one of the hardest ever. It is way up there on the list of devastation, heart-break and unspeakable pain.
Those who are close to me know that my favourite cousin has been fighting brain cancer.
This week she lost her fight 😢
I have no words to express the heart ache we all feel.

She was one of the most beautiful incredible soul I have ever met, she wasn’t just my cousin but one of my dearest closest friend.
She was an inspiration to me through my whole life.
I use to just look at her when I was a little girl, I wanted to be just like her.
She had this beautiful energy about her, her smile would light up a room and no matter how sad you felt, that smile would make you smile.
Her laugh was contagious, it would fill the room . Her energy was electric.
She put everyone before her self and all her younger cousins would stand in awe of her.
She was our protected, our leader, our friend.

I have so many happy memories of her, but most of all her kindness shines through them all.

A good few years ago when I ran away from my ex husband I was in one of the lowest patches in my life and I couldn’t stand the thought of life.
No one knew where I was but she tracked me down and came with the biggest brightest bunch of flowers I have ever seen.
She sat and held me from days while I cried, I slept, I cried more. All the time she held onto me like she wouldn’t let me go and she listened. She truly listened. I owe her my life at that point in time.
It wasn’t that I cried for him, I cried for the changes I had to make, I cried for the misery I had lived for all those years, I cried for the intercourse he had forced on me for way to many years, I cried for the cuts and bruises, the beatings he had inflicted on me.
I cried for the worthlessness I felt and the weakness he had drilled into me.
Those few days which some were in silence were distressing to say the least but her smile, her kindness, her love pulled me through.
She was an angel in life and now she will light up the night sky and shine down on us as she has always done.
I really don’t see many people as perfect but her soul, heart, mind and beauty has to be in my top three of perfection.
I really mean that. She was a total inspiration in life and in death she will always be.
If any one deserves those angel wings it’s her.
The thought of life without her is too much to bare right now but I have to find strength in knowing she lives on in her children, her legacy.

So as we face the fourth death this year please give a thought for all the loved ones she has left behind and help us find the strength to not break.
Hopefully we can find peace in knowing that she is with my sister again. I’m sure they are ripping up the sky with their love for life.

Speak to your soul

imageChallenge yourself…
New things and a new treasure…
A new hidden secret..
You were born to be you, not who they tell you to be. You are not here to be perfect.. you are here to be true. Be gentle and kind to your heart and soul. Accept who you are, where you are, and where you came from.
Don’t make a decision based solely on popularity, or based on what others think is right for you.
Just because others are doing something doesn’t mean it’s the best choice for you. Listen to your gut.
Now is the moment to follow your intuition and pursue what matters most to you. Reach deep within yourself and awaken to the purpose that moves you and makes you feel alive.
The world is filled with opportunities to do an infinite number of things, so why not align your efforts with the activities that speak to your soul.

There are moments in life

imageMy dad sent me this back in 2012 I thought I would share it with you.

There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real.
When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed-door that we don’t see the one, which has been opened for us.
Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.
The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you’re the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.


imageI have been meaning to write this blog for a while now but how does one put into words the torment, pain, tears, worthlessness and fear that an invisible disease brings to our life’s.

The last few years have been hell, even with a strong mind and positive attitude, life has been incredibly hard, if only words didn’t fail me.
Yes at times I have begged for the pain to stop, to close my eyes, to fall asleep and let life slip away.
I hate to admit it but the struggle to get through an hour of a day has been way too much at times.
But not only once but a few times now when my body gave up the fight and the doctors/surgeons took it upon themselves to bring me back with I guess the help of a single voice that pulled me back to the land of the living.
Maybe it was a gift but I do at times wonder why, my life has been given the green light to continue when I wanted so badly to cross that fine line between life and death.
Maybe it’s for an unknown reason that I have yet to discover.
Or maybe I’m meant to be tortured a while longer. Who knows ???? I dealt I ever will know.

The thing is, life every second, no matter how hard or how sad, no matter how low I fall, how much I want out, life is beautiful.
Everything around me is a blessing.
From hearing my daughter laugh and sing, to even her tears, I’m so lucky I get to see and feel every emotion that comes with our life together.

To the birds singing in the trees, to the robin who sits so close to me and watches the world go by and waits patiently for me to loosen the earth so she can go about feeding her young, building her nest and putting joy into our life’s with her song and her beautiful red breast.

To the baby lambs that wake us up every morning, letting us know that the world is awake and we are missing the beauty as we lay in our beds.

To the kitten and puppy cuddling up together on a chilling evening, playing together as they teach each other new tricks in the game of life.

These are my reasons why life no matter how cruel it can be, no matter how far off the wrong path I may be, no matter how long the nights are and how lonely life can be and how much I miss and love certain people who I can’t hold close and let them know how loved they are.
No matter how bad the pain gets as my body fails slowly and the struggle to hold on to a normal life grows harder by the day. No matter how frustrating it is to not be able to run along the beach or just sit watching the waves crash against the shore.
Life is hard really hard as these diseases eat slowly away at me.
Life though is still a beautiful gift, if only we open our eyes to the smallest of things around us, I truly believe every tiny thing we take for granted is what makes life and living worth fighting. ❤️


Love changes everything ❤️

imageLove changes everything
It changes the way you look at the world,
It changes every inch of your soul,
It changes the smell in the air.
It changes everyone and everything around you.
It consumes you slowly taken over not just your heart but you body to.
Love really does make the world spin.
Be it either to the darkest place unknown to the human eye or the most beautiful breathtaking place also never seen by the human eye.
Love really is the most powerful emotion, bond and being known.
Love is the life only seen by the heart.

A little note of wisdom

A little note of wisdom to myself.
When your fears and anxieties have you looking too deep into things, it creates problems.. it doesn’t fix them.
If you think and you think and you think, you will think yourself right out of happiness a thousand times over, and never once into it.
Worrying doesn’t take away tomorrow’s troubles, it takes away today’s peace and potential. And life is too short for that.
It’s always possible to go on, no matter how impossible it seems.
In time, the grief..the lessons.. may not go away completely, they never will because the love is too strong, but after a while it’s not so overwhelming. So breathe… You’re going to be OK. Remember that you’ve been in this place before. You’ve been this uncomfortable and restless and afraid, and you’ve survived.
Take another breath and know that you can survive this time too. These feelings can’t break you. They’re painful and draining, but you can sit with them and eventually, they will pass. Maybe not immediately, but sometime soon they’re going to fade, and when they do you’ll look back at this moment and laugh for having doubted your resilience.

Life is all about having a heart.

imageMany of your greatest accomplishments in life will come when you are able to bless someone else while you are going through your own storm.
So regardless of what’s going on in your life, be gentle and kind.

Think before you speak and act.

Always remember that the words and actions you choose can only be forgiven, not forgotten. You were made to make a difference, so embrace every opportunity to do so.
No act of your kindness, no matter how tiny, will ever be wasted