Someone out there

imageThere is someone out there
The one that gives you…..
strength, courage, determination, hope, will, belief, passion, joy, without even knowing it
The love they give/gave to you makes you find the inner you and there isn’t anything you can not do because just knowing they are/were in your life, heart and soul makes you the best you.

ADDICT

imageI personally believe, one of the hardest challenges we face in life is to simply live in our own skin…to just be right here, right now, regardless of where we are. Too often we needlessly distract ourselves with anything and everything…food, shopping, television, tabloid news, online social networks, video games, cell phones, iPods, etc… basically anything to keep us from being fully present in the current moment.
We use compulsive work, compulsive exercise, ect, ect, to escape from ourselves and the realities of living.
In fact, many of us will go to great lengths to avoid the feeling of being alone in an undistracted environment.
So we succumb to hanging-out with just about anybody to avoid the feeling of solitude, as being alone means dealing with our true feelings…fear, anxiety, happiness, anger, joy, resentment, disappointment, anticipation, sadness, excitement, despair, and so on and so forth.
It doesn’t really matter if our feelings are positive or negative…they are overwhelming and exhausting, so we prefer to numb ourselves to them.
The bottom line is that every one of us is an
ADDICT
and what we are addicted to is avoiding ourselves.
Acknowledging this addiction is the first step to healing it.
Try noticing with curiosity, and without judgement, all of the ways in which you avoid being in your own skin, right here, right now, in this present moment we call life.
We just might learn a thing or to.

A beautiful chapture 😃 How my life has changed.

imageLife really is a roller coasters at the moment, after one of the most fantastic weeks of my life last week, to a family wedding, to final stages of packing up my life to move miles away from everyone, to the devastating news from consultants, life has thrown a hell of a lot of emotions, hard decisions, extreme highs and lows at me.

I felt that I have turned a corner, I have been loving life, I’ve smiled and laughed and found that happiness can really exist even with a ticking time bomb over my head and a shattered beyond shattered heart.

Life is no way the same and I’m sure as sure that I am not the same person I was even a few weeks ago.
Something just changed over night and I wanted to feel happiness again.

How I felt that happiness doesn’t really matter, it doesn’t matter that I went against my constants orders so I could finally feel some other emotion apart from emotional pain.
I know I will have to live with the fall out of that as my condition gets worse by the day but boy it was worth it, ever second of every day/night was so worth it.
The feeling of freedom, hope, joy, laughter, smiles, excitement was worth a life time of physical pain.
Not much can match those few days of total joy.
Life was truly a gift, a gift so bright that the world was perfect, so perfect for those few days.
Even though there were moments when my heart wanted to take it away from me and show me that it couldn’t be perfect because it was missing one certain person.
I wasn’t going to let him take this dream, advantage away from me.
I wanted to feel all those different emotions flow through me, ones that I haven’t felt for so long.
Even though my heart wept for the what if, I couldn’t and wouldn’t allow it to win this time.
Life was pretty damn fantastic.
Mind blowing is an understatement.
I felt free totally free and that feeling alone was worth it.

Tune in soon to hear about my advantages.
Trust me you will be rushing to buy a ticket.

Stay safe and happy and smile your biggest smile because life is a gift, and it can be bloody fantastic at times.