Goals, goals, goals

We are more than half way through the year, time has no mercy and the year is fading fast.
I thought it was a good time to revisit my crafting goals, not really the best idea as even though I have accomplished quite a lot, I’m nowhere near completing my always growing list of goals. It may just be the fact that I keep getting side tracked and adding to it.

Maybe lists are not the best thing when it comes to creating, isn’t it all about the freedom of art, doing what takes your fancy, doing what makes your creative energy flow.
Well I’m pretty good at giving in to a pattern that jumps off the page, calling my name, over and over until my willpower crumbles as I rush to find the perfect yarn, the right size hook and a little time to make the instructions come alive in front of my eyes. 👀

You maybe able to see that I’ve been rather good at letting those intriguing patterns win.
In turn my goal list has doubled in size and I’m nowhere near completing my goals, I’m giving it a good shot though. 😝

Will I get all ticked off?

What do think, will I crack it or will I fail miserably?

🌹🌹🌹

My crafting goals for 2017.

Faith’s blanket – Aster. 👍🏻

Cassie – black and white Aster 👍🏻

Mint coffee Mandala cushion for my room 👍🏻

Sam’s blanket – Carousel Blanket. (Wip)

Marly-Kate’s blanket – Nuts about squares (wip) 👍🏻

Two Aster blankets which are orders.

Cable blanket (wip)

Finish mum’s two blankets – granny squares 👍🏻 and mandala madness.

Sophie loves Lillia Bjorn winter blanket – Scheepjes garnet, moon stone, Corundum Rudy, Crystal Quartz, Enstatite, Tourmaline and smokey quartz. (Wip)

Sophie Universe with a twist – Scheepjes crystal quartz.

Sunny Mandala cushion – mixed colours 👍🏻

Stardust Melodies cal Afghan – scheepjes softfun in Ecru – for Rich. 👍🏻

A day at the grand bazaar (black and white). 👍🏻

Atlanticus- greens and blues . 👍🏻

Labyinth Mandala Pillow – Scheepjes stonewashed in Black Onyx and Crystal Quartz.

4 cushions – Spanish Mandala (one side), Mint coffee Mandala extended (other side) – (wip)

Mandala number 5 wall hanging. For hoggers 👍🏻

Celtic cushions – for Rich 👍🏻

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Flashback Friday

When I wrote this weeks flashback, my memories that are imbedded in these pages.
I remember every moment of writing it, every emotion, every hope, every dream. I truly believed that life was beautiful, it had been far too long. That moment as I walked between the grasses and daisies, I was inflamed with hope, peace washed over me and I truly felt alive. Little did I know that, that moment was teasing me, toying with every emotion.
At least I had that afternoon, where it finally clicked that life goes on, though different and not how we had planned, the clock face still change as do the seasons, the sun and the stars.
I knew that life was never to be the same, how could it be, I have lost more than I could/can bare, I have lost the glue that made me whole, the completion that his love brought me.
How can one ever be the person they once were when half of your soul has vanished into thin air.
All that is left to do, is try to carry on the best one can with what is left of your, our memories.

Dance in the rain.

The world was a light with beauty as I watched the moths flicker in the light between the grasses.
The bees airborne, winging their way in-between the daisies.
The deers leapt between the ferns. It was a beautiful summers day and I had freedom at my feet, the path ahead of me was mine.
There was peace in my mind and a source of pleasure in my heart.
I opened my eyes to the loveliness of the world for the first time in weeks.
It felt hunky-dory to feel alive, to feel at ease from the stresses of life. I felt free, free from heart ache and pain.
I turned a corner, I wanted to stay breathing, seeing the world and all its beauty.
I can’t say I’m fixed, I don’t think my heart will ever be, but I can see the light, I can see the sphere for what it is.
I can see that in time I will learn to deal with the pain and that if I open my mind and soul I can make life a good thing again.
Different from the life I dreamed of but I know that life goes on and if its meant to be, fate will intervene.
What will be will be.
I’m starting to understand myself, my situation and where I want to go, it’s the first step to overcoming the pain, sadness and accepting it.
So what more can I do but when it rains, dance in it. Let the storm clouds bring in new colours.

Flashback Friday

img_3758Times seems to be running away so very fast, I can’t believe it’s nearly November and Christmas will be here before we know it.
Weeks seems to fly by and days just seem to blend into one another.
Friday has come around so fast which means the weekend will only go faster.
Life seems to be on fast forward with days getting busier and busier.
I really don’t know where this week has gone.
Thank goodness for the weekend.
So my week has been crazy busy, with half term, hospital appointments for Mk and I, it feels like we should just move in there.
I saw a new consultant this week and bless her, even though she was running an hour late, she was totally on the ball, she listened and took her time with the normal checks. She also was very interested in my conditions and has ordered CT scans, MRI’s and a few others that I can’t remember what they are called.
It was so nice to feel like someone cared and wants to help.
All in all, it was a good appointment and I came away feeling hopeful.
Not that they will find a cure, but hopefully gather more information and hopefully get my meds under control. She really wasn’t impressed about the amount of meds I’m on.
Marly-Kate is doing great and her team are over the moon with her determination. Only time will tell if this op has helped. Fingers and toes crossed.

So it’s Friday again and that means one thing.
It’s time to reflect on past posts.
I won’t bore you anymore and I’ll get straight to it.
So I give you……

We are all fools, silly fools.

I don’t know how many times I have told myself
” I don’t care”
Every single one of us, have said these three words
“I DONT CARE”
We are all fools, silly fools that have to tell ourselves over and over again that we don’t care.
When we fall out with a friend,
Have a bad review at work,
Miss that one-off great deal on eBay,
Loose touch with a friend,
Put on weight,
Have black bags under our eyes,
Have a roll of skin that rolls over the top of our jeans when we sit down.
Have spots,
The list can go on and on.
We all tell ourselves we don’t care but deep down we do.
We care because in our hearts we want to love ourselves and our life’s.
It’s easy to talk one self into not caring because it’s less painful that way.
How silly are we to put up walls against ourselves.
That it’s easy to try to convince oneself that we don’t care so we don’t have to feel upset or pained by the situation.
Why can’t we just work through our feelings, we are only kidding ourselves if we don’t.
I’ve told myself over the last year and a half that I don’t care but I do, I care more than I will let myself admit.
I care that my face is always red,
I care that my weight sores and falls.
I care that I get called shorty.
I care that I’ve lost close friendships that I so want to get back.
So why, why do we do it to ourselves.
I guess we are trying to protect ourself.
But are we?
Are we really doing that?
Or are we building up something so much more painful.
I know that I have always shut things so deep that I pretend the feelings are not there.
Take my friend’s death for one.
I blocked it out, I told myself over and over that he wasn’t gone and I could call him when ever I wanted to, but I didn’t want to.
God I wish I could, but there is no way I can because I have to live up to the fact he’s not here.
I just don’t want to say goodbye.
The same with my dream job.
I tell myself that giving it up was easy, which I guess it was when I had the reason to give it up, but now, it just brings me pain to think I throw it away for love.
Once again I tell myself I don’t care, but boy I miss it.
I miss listening to music, and proving to myself I’m worthy of the roll.
But in the same breath, I know that at the time, walking away was the best thing, the best reason to leave.
As for friends I have pulled away from and tell myself I don’t care.
OMG I do care, I miss them, I miss them every day.
I long to sit and chat and just be myself with the people I care about.
As for looks, can’t say I’ve ever wanted to slap a load of make up on my face to feel better about myself, I’m a firm believer that beauty is soul deep.
But something niggles me, I look at myself and just see this grey face, with no life in my eyes and these glowing cheeks that make me want to hide away from the word but I tell myself I don’t care, I really don’t care what people think I look like.
But of course I do.
We live in a world full of judgement, and of course we all want to fit in, we want to be excepted.
So those strong powerful words
” I don’t care”
Are the biggest lie anyone had told. Along with the words
“I’m fine”

Flashback Friday

imageIt’s that time again, a time to reflect, a time to look back.
It’s Friday. 😃
And for me it’s time to pack my weekend bag and set off on a little adventure, which will also be a flashback.
I don’t often get a weekend to myself, without Marley-Kate at my heels so it’s going to be strange but she’s off on an adventure to and in the safest of hands so all is well in our special bond.
As always my flashback posts are not just a look at the past but a sum up of my week.
It’s been a short week for me because I was away from home for a long weekend, enjoying the peacefulness of Devon. How I love it there, my home from home.
School time tears got the better of Mars and me so we headed off for 4 days of pure relaxation and peace.
Mars ran free, making the most of the sunshine and her time with one of her favourite people, her Grandad, how she worships him. They are two peas in a pod.
It’s so beautiful to watch but on a down side, it’s hard to see how my life would have been if I had grownup with him in my life. I’m 100% sure life would have been bliss, exciting and very different to having God rammed down my throat by my step dad.
I’m so happy though that my little Katie (Marly-Kate) has such a wonderful leading male role model in her life. If she can’t have Ross, my dad is the best 2nd choice. (I mean that in the most loving way)
So after our little trip, life seems to have got the better of me. Emotions have been at an all time low, I’ve been extremely hard on myself, feeling all the worst emotions, self-hate being foremost in my mind. I don’t know where it’s come from or why so after the normal hospital appointments, I booked myself in at my old work place and had a pamper day. And it seems to be working, I feel a little better about myself and I’m I’ve got my mindset in an ok place ready to hit the road later today.
Even though the last few days I’ve had one of my all time favourite friends on my mind as it’s the anniversary of his passing. I admit I miss him loads and life really does seem weird without him on the end of the phone but I just have to remind myself that he’s at peace and in no more pain. That’s good right????😢

Anyway I best stop waffling on and get to the real reason for this post, it’s flashback Friday after all. 😝
So without further ado, I wish you an awesome weekend full of smiles, laughter and peace of mind and I will leave you with…….

Let there be love.

Fall in love, with an aim, an ambition, a passion.

If you lost everything but your mind, heart and health, what would be your reason to wake up every morning with a smile?

There’s definitely a fire burning inside you. It’s your job to find it and keep it lit. As we grow older, with all of our responsibilities, our passions and hobbies often seem like an indulgence. They shouldn’t be. They should be a requirement. Even if you can only dedicated 20 minutes a day to something you love, do it… No excuses, no regrets.
The most important decision you will ever make is what you do with the time that is given to you.
Let every day be a part of a dream you can touch. Let every day contain passion for something you love. Let every day be a great example of a life truly lived.