As I sit wired up to a machine, a large needle in my arm, blood trying to escape my vein, in hopes I will feel a tad better for the next few hours, if I’m lucky, maybe a day or more, I pondering over what life would be like if there was no drama, no emotion, just box standard life. No worries, stresses, just boring everyday life.
It then just clicked that nah that would be extremely dull.
Even though at times I wish for that normal stress free life, I really do think it would bore the shit out of me.
As I sit here and think over the last few weeks of living in hell, I’m not sure if I would have it any other way. Let me rephrase that, take away the pain, the heartache, the unknown, the fear and desperation, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Even through it’s been an extremely hard three-weeks, I released that it’s not my drama, not many of them are, but my family, my friends seem to pull me in to theirs, and in true honesty I’m perfectly ok with that.
For some reason they need me, the want my views, my support, but most of all my love.
I have all this love, deep within me, that’s lost because I can’t give it to the one person who it’s meant for, who it belongs to. I guess it’s wasted there, never to be given to the one it’s meant for. I guess when people draw me into their problems, their life’s, their ups and downs, a little of the love must creep out and somehow support them, be there for them.
So no matter how stressful life is, can be and guess always will be, there is a positive in there.
I don’t feel like I’m explaining it well but all I know is that no matter what life throws at you, your friends and family, it’s nice to know that when shit comes to shove they trust and care enough about me, to want my support and that’s a nice feeling, it truly is.