With all my friends settled or settling down, getting married and living out their happy ever after, I’m often asked when will it be my time.
My answer is a simple and pretty blunt one.
It’s funny because I once saw marriage as an escape, an escape from an unhappy home, an escape from my stepfather. My ticket out.
After many years of being so very unhappily married to a man who made me feel unlovable, weak and just damn right disgusting, I lost all faith in that happy ever after, that we all have been told about since before we could even string two words together. (Fairytales have a lot to answer to.)
I honestly believed that I would never find love, let alone that glorious happy ever after we all dream about.
In truth though I found it, I wholeheartedly found a love so mind blowing, it took every spec of air out of my lungs. It raced around my vains and my heart pumped faster than ever before.
I sincerely believe not many people get to find love like we once had, a love so intense it completes and destroys every single part of you.
A love of a life time or many lifetimes.
I would have married him in a heartbeat. I was so very much looking forward to growing old together and dying in each other’s arms. Spending our lives, loving each other.
So when that question comes over and over again, along with,
“When are you going to finally hook up with someone even if it’s just a one night stand?”
My answer is the simplest
“I’m not and I won’t!!!”
Because when you feel love so incredibly deeply, even if it isn’t returned, you would rather be stuck on the shelf for eternity than spent time or your bed with anyone else!!!
As the sun raises over the moors, the grass glistening as the rays dance off the morning dew.
As the owl glides gracefully in search of his morning pray.
The dragonflies float aimlessly over the bubbling brook, as the butterflies whirl and twirl elegantly through the sun rays, my soul wakens to the beauty of life.
When I let my mind wander, to the time I was truly happy, this one song always comes on randomly. It’s almost like I’m being told to stop torturing myself, that Porter is up there somewhere looking out for me.
Random thought of the day.
Healing is NOT an overnight process. It takes time. Sometimes you’ll feel like you’re finally starting to heal and you’re happy again, the wound will reopen. Don’t give up, don’t get discouraged, some wounds will never heal completely. Take each day 1 step at a time and just try to be in a better place mentally than you were yesterday.
Would you recognise me?
Life with all its troubles, all its joys, all its sadness, all its smiles and all it’s laughter, changes you, changes me.
With every frown, every smile, a new line of experience forms beautifully on your skin, my skin.
Every tear, every loss, every grief, darkens the light glowing from your soul, my soul. It echoes in your eyes, my eyes, fading that twinkle that once radiated life.
With every comfort eat, adding inches to your waist, my waist or with pain so deep, you just can’t swallow, loosing your cuddliness, my cuddliness, as the inch’s fall away.
Would you recognise me?
More importantly, do I ?
The world is your oyster.
Go capture your dreams
share a little happiness
along the way.
There is something strangely comforting about the way I have to sleep.
Laying kinda on my side, one arm about my head under the pillow where I hold a sleeve of a onesie I was once brought as a present.🎁
The other arm is wrapped tightly around a cushion I was once made, my blanket, duvet and necklace griped tightly in my hand drawn up close to my face.
I’ve tried and tried so many time to drift off to sleep in many different ways, sleep never comes.
Though I don’t wish to sleep this way, it’s also strangely comforting.
Random thought of the day!
In some dusty corner of you mind,
You know more about something
than anyone else
in the world 🌍