Don’t say it enough

Random thought of the day.

I probably don’t say it enough but thankyou to all my friends, old and new who always believe in me.
It is and has been a very hard struggle, but I am grateful I managed to keep moving forward when all I really wanted/want to do is fall asleep and not wake.
There are also a few really special people in my life, who have always been my inspiration, my shoulder and my support, I owe them my life and I thank you.
So if you go into a place where there seems nothing but darkness please reach out and turn to those who will help pull you through, you never ever have to feel alone.
Keep positive even when it feels impossible and never stop fighting to make your dreams come true.

Openly

I sent an email this morning to a dear friend of mine and even though this message may have seemed that I was just rambling on about me, myself and I, it truly was extremely hard to write.
It was very personal and revealing, something I do not do lightly.
I find it extremely hard to open up and let people in, I always have.
I think I have only truly opened up to one person in my life time and he was my soul mate, my air, my light, my everything, it was so easy with Ross.
I’m not sure why, was it because I never felt complete until I was in his presence, until that very first message, that very first conversation, that very first kiss.
He made me feel whole.
When I lost him, I lost myself and the ease to talk freely.
I’m now a closed book, more so than I ever was, I’m half the person I was when I was with him.

That simple email to a friend was very hard but I’m glad I fought the nagging voice to let a little piece of me out.
But still there’s a part of me that feels strange about it, that growing whisper of insecurity rattles through me.
I really believed that I had grown past the point of caring what others think, of others judgement, but still I fear it, I fear judgement on extreme levels.
As I kick myself for being so stupid and self-judgemental, I know I’m my worst enemy.
In truth the email probably didn’t come across as even that personal, and maybe it was rambling but to me, those rambles are extraordinarily hard.

I know I open up a little on here, but every post, is written from the heart to people I will never meet, that somehow smooths me and makes it a little easier, it’s helps me cope with not just life but something so much deeper.
Opening up here is easier than opening up to even my closest and most treasured friends and family.
So with that said and done, I wish to thank you all for being on the other end of the inter-web, for taking your time to read just one of my posts, one that I’ve sincerely struggled to open up in.
Thank you all for being the ray of sunshine that creeps into the heavily closed book that is my life and my soul.
Thank you.
Rose 🌹

To be loved ❤️

imageIt’s been a while since a last blogged, sorry about that.
Life got taken over and I had no control.
One minute I was pottering around at home and the next thing I knew, I woke up in hospital nearly a week later, with my mum and dad holding my hand at my bedside.

It’s so funny how one minute I was in certain place, the next somewhere different and I have lost days.
It’s a strange feeling to say the least.

All I can say is Thank you to the people in my life that pulled together in my hours of need, from baby sitting my wonderful daughter, to looking after my puppy and spoiling them both rotten. To all my friends, packing up my house ready for my life changing move.
That must have been so hard for them, not knowing if they were packing up for a move or if they were packing up my belongings incase I didn’t pull through.
Guys I really can not thank you enough, you all are truly inspirational and wonderful friends.

The best thing about this whole situation was seeing my daughter and pups faces when I arrived home yesterday.
No sure which one wanted more cuddles.
It sure was a mad dash to see who could get to me the fastest.
Very very cute and heart warming.
That feeling of being loved is overwhelming and such a great feeling.
I guess it takes a grave situation to see how very lucky I am.
And even though I feel like I have been pulled through a hedge backwards, I really couldn’t feel more loved than I do right now.

I have forgotten how nice it feels, the strange thing is it’s always been there but I guess we all wear shutters to the delights of every day feelings.
We are all so blessed everyday, we just need to take a minute to look around, open our hearts and let ourselves feel it.

Right now I feel very lucky to feel air in my lungs, sun on my skin and love in my heart.

No matter what life throws at you, the knowing that you are never alone is over powering and it gives me a reason to keep fighting.
Life is way to short, I’ve learnt this lesson the hard way over the last few years.
But some moments which turn into memories makes life beautiful and breathtaking.