Broken soul

No words can even start to make anyone one understand the pain of yesterday.
No kind actions by others can help to ease it.
No amount of tears can wash away the devastation, the longing, the heartbreak.
No amount of time can heal.
There is nothing in this universe that can even start to explain to you how I felt yesterday.
No just yesterday but every day, but yesterday it all seemed that little worse but the heartbreak never goes away. It eats away a me, day in day out and there is no way to stop it.
My family and friends tried so hard to make it a beautiful day, even the sun shone on us, but as always there is this gaping hole in my heart.
Part of me is missing and no amount of tomorrow’s can heal it.
No amount of hugs can warm my broken soul.

Time does not heal

imageHow can I not blame and hate my self for everything that’s happened.
I know I didn’t know that I was poorly and that my body was/is destroying all the healthy cells in turn slowly shutting down.
But how do I learn to cope with the fact that I was so blinded by love that I didn’t notice I was poorly.
I don’t know how to live with the guilt I feel everyday.
Everyday at that hospital I’m reminded of the pain, the heartbreak, the devastation.
No amount of tears can ever wash away the pain and heartache I feel.
Time does not heal but only makes the pain more overwhelming more devastating.
All I know is that life goes on, days rolling into nights, and somehow I have to get by even with the gaping hole that is left in my heart.

Keep your wings wrapped right around me

imageDear Zack,
Every day is special you know that don’t you Zack, because all my thoughts are apart of you.
Every day we still miss you too, because you know what I’m thinking in all I do.

I thought of you today and yesterday too but everyday I think of you and you alone know that this is true and I still miss you just the same.
I try to hold it together pretty well today and everyday but when I go to bed, the pain is just like new.
Before my head can hit the pillow, silent tears roll down my cheeks, my pillow leaks as I know I weep while I’m asleep, then there you are, slowly reaching for my hand, as we meet throughout my misty sleep, I feel the cold upon me as you pull in close and snuggle into me.

My eyes feel sore, I cannot see, if this is really real, your face before me I can see, you’re so tiny, perfect and sweet, I know its true it’s really you.

Keep your wings wrapped right around me for whenever I need to feel, protected by your love that shining right upon me, like the brightest star I’ll ever see.
I love you always, I always will, and never fear, I’m always near, just a thought away and because I think of you everyday. xxxxx
Forever and always in my heart.